California Sun in General

Just three days and I’m missing you more than I thought I would
i missing you more than I like to say
I’m hanging on a hope swinging from a rope
It’s all a shame
My biggest mistake was letting you get away
oh baby
California sun
so bright and beautiful, yea but that was yesterday
California sun
how’d you slip away…

I suppose I should get to work, since this writing assignment is due today. Another writing sample for my application to the MFA program.

I went through the “ideas notebook” and found a five page story. Not finished, but I can see where it is going. It shouldn’t be too hard to flesh out in the next six hours. Sit on it for another six, and then edit it down to a manageable length.

It is a beautiful day here in Maine. Still cold, but the snow is gone. The sun has gone back to sitting high in the sky instead of trolling around the horizon. 55F isn’t particularly cold but there is a stiff 25 knot wind out of the north. So it feels cold.

I have to drive down to Sanford to do paperwork. Beanie has to have oral surgery toward the end of May. I am completely on the hook for the coast since MaineCare doesn’t cover dental surgery after 21. Because people with Down Syndrome don’t have teeth issues after the age of 21. They just shuffled her surgery until the 17th of May. That makes my road trip go away. At least until October or next April. I am not driving to Texas in June. I’ve been in Fort Worth in June and it was miserable.

I wonder what happens to her after I am gone. I’m not in a hurry to shuffle off this mortal coil, but I have been well acquainted with my own mortality for a while. Since my early 30s.

My mother reminded me today that I still need surgery. Latest is a reevaluation of my bloodwork toward the end of June, then a decision.

I know doctors and lawyers are necessary, but I really wanted to get out of this life without either. That was not to be.

For some reason I ache, at the soul level. Because there is something I still have to do. But I don’t know what it is. God please tell me what it is I am still here to do.

Last updated April 30, 2019