Be Aggressive. Be Be Aggressive. in Current Events

My sister is home today. The baby is still in the ICU hooked up to dialysis. They had a boy, named him Vincent Mitchell. Mitchell is my younger brother who lives in BC so that was such a nice way to honour him. The doctors are just waiting to see what the blockage is that is causing the kidneys to be swollen. They want to fix the problem before they let him come home. We suspect that it will be tomorrow. I have not met him yet. I’ve been balancing my niece with work and daycare all week. I feel like a single dad and I am so tired. I had yesterday off and I had the place to myself and it was so nice. I ran out of lube lol
Karamjeet and I buried the hatchet on Monday. Sort of. She is worried that I hate her for how everything played out when I hired her. It wasn’t supposed to be as my employer and I was open about being in some kind of way about it but I accepted it and moved on. Neither of us apologized for anything from Sunday, we just moved on which is perfect. I hate apologies. Being sorry is easy, forgiving is the hard part.
Today, I went into work determined to be in a good mood. My innate ability to experience someone else’s feelings got in my way. Karam’s heart was so heavy. Her depression was choking me. I was watching her interact with everybody with that smile on her face trying to have a good day too. She wasn’t. I asked her if she was homesick. If she was sad because she missed her other store. She was feeling sad but she didn’t realize it was because she was feeling homesick until I brought it up. “Every time I try and feel like home here something happens that makes me want to leave.” She had a heart to heart with our boss yesterday where she told him that she will be leaving when her store is rebuilt. Possibly sooner. So I did what I always do when somebody is hurting and lifted her spirits. She went home in a good mood. I was so drained after she left.
My mother is hosting Easter this Saturday. I have to ask that awkward question about what I am supposed to do about food. Am I bringing my own meal? Am I bringing a dish for everybody? Is she making something vegan just for me? I also have tickets to see Kinky Boots later on that evening with Leanne because we do musical theatre now. We decided to make that our thing.
I wish that I had more going on. IG has been consuming so much of my time. YouTube also. Do I need to quit? Like I barely just started having a presence again but I can’t stop scrolling through the feeds. I had goals until I had hurt feelings. I stopped myself from dreaming. I want to get myself back on track and one of the conversations that I had with Karam today inspired me to just… fuck it. I don’t even like my job or respect anything about it. She also has aspirations to get out of it someday so why am I letting this take up so much space in my life? God, I am sick of saying this… Toni and I are finally going to start looking for a place next week. If we move to the area that she wants to move to I will have an excuse to quit. Legit. K! I’ve been addicted to working out again and I need to stop spending all my energy in the mornings doing that. Enough distractions. I need to be aggressive about my future. I need to create a big ass action plan and hold myself accountable. I need to advance myself in life. I’m sick of being nowhere.
K, rant and entry done. ta