TL

Burdens in Current Events

  • March 27, 2019, 12:38 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

My mind and body crashed today. I spent about six hours laying in my room, I could not move. I could not care. I had no anxiety, no stress and no depression. My mind was blank and my body had nothing to will it. I have not hit this level of exhaustion before. I don’t even know what to call that? Charging?
Honestly though, what is it about me that makes people want to tell me about their problems? I don’t smile too much and I don’t wear too much pink. I’m told that I am a healer? I have a healing energy? That I could be a “Heyoka Empath”. I don’t understand this new age stuff but the last week or so I have been wondering about if it was the full moon that drove absolutely everybody in my life into a depressive state. My mother on Saturday explaining to me that she is having suicidal thoughts, my near future roommate Toni coming at me with her mood swings because she can’t cope with her loneliness right now, my friend Ashley emerged from nowhere to tell me that she and her family had been going through a hard time with a recent passing, my friend Bev was packing up the life she built with her husband to return to my city to be a single mother of two, my friend ride or die bff Lenstar had to let her boyfriends mother move in to help him with his mental illness because it is becoming too heavy for her and their children and literally half of my employees were walking around the store crying over their own shit. They all wanted my help. At the very least they wanted someone safe to talk to.
So today after my last therapy session I crashed. Hard. I barely had time to talk about my own shit which reminded me of my nervous breakdown in 2012. I had too many people on my plate. A woman I broke free from a physically abusive relationship, my 17-year-old cousin that I took in so he did not have to drop out of school to move away from his abusive stepfather, a sister that I was trying to get out of a mentally abusive relationship, a friend that was a single mom going through a custody battle with the child family services and then my friend that had a drinking problem who died shortly after I got him to detox and go into rehab. Then me trying to save Roarke and Tyler from themselves while falling for them at the same time.
*His wings were too tattered and torn that he could no longer carry the burdens. He was destined to walk alone. * I wrote a lame short story for myself once upon a time and that line is how I felt today. Especially since I have not been able to move my neck in almost a week now. I’ve never had this problem before, I do not even know if I need a massage or a chiropractor. My body can longer handle the stress the way it used to. Shingles, now this situation in my neck? I want to workout but my neck can’t even get through 1 set of situps.
Tomorrow, now that I am charged, I want to get back to being goal oriented. I want to figure out what my challenges are and go from there.


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