Morning conversation in General musings

Just got off the phone from first morning conversation with F. He called me bad for yesterday, because I answered the phone in front of Hub. Joked, "so what time am I coming there?" I said whenever you want, quickly saying but I know you're not. He said he'd have to leave now because dog has a grooming appt at 3 pm. So... last night, trying to sleep, I remembered something from our first "reunion" year of 1998, how he went at Thanksgiving down to Florida, chasing his estranged wife back to her parents. He left from my house; I'd given him gas money and some cds for the ride. And, as I reminded him, he called me while he was there - from his in-law's house phone no less, because he said he couldn't wait til he got back to talk to me and hear my voice. Then I said, no, I didn't read about that recently in my journals, I just remembered it. But there are GOOD things in my journals too, not just the bad. He murmered something about HATING my journals. So, feeling ridiculously brave, I said something like, 'yeah, it's kinda interesting, all these women through the years have come and gone, and you keep coming back to ME.' "Yeah, that's true. Why IS that?" 'Yeah, why?' I wanted, in a way to "push" ....to make the comment that's been on my mind that he's loved me more and longer than any of them...even the "sacred" ex-wife, but I could tell he was squirming slightly, and I thought it best just to leave that out there for now..let him form that on his own... So, I guess I won't see him today, but it's coming, I think.