Weight of Living in Every day scata

DS told me today that with all the fundraisers going on to benefit the three killed, and the two survivors Jess has not seen a dime, and from the way it sounds, she probably won't see any at all.

This shit just pisses me off like you wouldn't believe. A fucking crying shame. I am doing all I can to help, but I can only do so much. I've run myself aground with anxiety for them... I didn't sell shit for tee shirts. I'm hoping that Jessies friend has better luck with her fundraiser. I still want to do a benefit dog wash, but really want to wait until the weather is a little warmer. And I'm thinking maybe a 50/50 raffle. Or maybe have people donate items for a raffle. But I don't count on anyone donating jack shit.

I'm just done with people. I want to build a tiny house commune and keep those I love close, safe. We could be very self sufficient. In theory it works... :sigh:

My mind is a tad manic today... really very manic. The pain is extreme. this flare is still going strong, and I'm afraid it will render me bedridden before it is done with me. I've taken all my meds twice over trying to get a handle on the pain and anxiety. Still in pain, still anxious as fuck.

I need a smoke. And coffee... I know, not the best thing for anxiety. Unless you are me... then it is the best thing for it.