Complicated in Random Thoughts

I’ve had a complicated relationship with one of my partners, L, for quite a while. We first realized our attraction to one another almost a year ago, after a few summer dates between busy schedules.

The last year has been the year from hell for me, among beauty and love. Just as a quick overview of my experiences:

1. Aug 2019 I started a new teaching job. Was on strike the first week with a whole staff i didn’t know. I love this job and my new administration

2. Sept 2019 someone rear ends me really hard in downtown Portland, then leaves. My 2012 Corolla ends up being driveable but considered totaled. I spend six months with massages, dr appts, acupuncture (luckily i have good insurance). It happened on my third and final attempt to get pregnant, unmedicated, through my midwife.

The accident triggers my PTSD and i am pretty deeply depressed for three months and decide not to continue to get pregnant.

1. Feb 2020 i turn 42 and the next day there is a fire in my basement that is significant enough for my roommate and i to be homeless instantly. I live with my boyfriend Jamie and his wife for a month while i find an apt to share with my roommate (covered by insurance, luckily, its fracking expensive to live in Portland).

2. Right around then i start working with a fertility clinic to continue trying to get pregnant. I think my first IUI (intrauterine insemination, used with donor sperm i bought at a sperm bank) was in February, then April, then May (skipped a month due to a minor complication).

3. I find out i am pregnant two days before the end of the school year, June 17th. At that time, L and i were not talking. I had broken up with him. For the second time.

Sounds complicated, perhaps…even just reading the “getting pregnant” and “multiple partners” aspect of it.

Well, besides L, it isn’t. I am doing what i want to do. Own my own (unlivable as of now) house, 10+ years into a teaching career, loving community and partners. It is a beautiful life.

Just so this does not get super long, i’ll split this entry into two. Talking about L is something i’ve needed to do for a long time. Now that i am days away from my second trimester, i really need to admit some things to myself and clear my brain out a bit. I regret that it’s something i’ve needed to do for a long, long time.

Welcome back, friends.