Jesus and teletubbies? in Portrait of a....

My boss is listening to Beethoven's moonlight sonata. It's killing me. I played this for him in our last days together. He sat next to me at the piano, so closely. Afterwards he kissed me and said 'my beautiful, talented pianist'.

We actually spoke briefly last night. He said it's hard for him to find the words to respond to my e mail. English is not his first language so that adds an extra layer of difficulty for him. I don't know what I really expect from him. Of course what I want is for him to say he's an idiot and let's try everything to make it work. But, I know that won't happen. I guess I just want something to understand that he loved me in some way. I don't know if that will help or not. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to deal with this. I've dealt with heartbreak before but this is extremely difficult.

My spa treatments are booked for the trip to the spa town. I'm looking forward to swimming in the thermal pool. But, i'm not excited about the trip. I wish i could be. It's just a distraction really. I'm grateful for it, so I can get out of the house and away instead of staying at home crying.

The other night my landlord came over. He has sold the building and was bringing me the new paperwork and returning my deposit to me. He and I have always had a love/hate relationship. But, we also been able to be very frank and open with each other. Sometimes even bordering on inappropriate. Also, he's a bit of a nut job. Anyway, he stopped by the other night. I hadn't expected him and usually am not home but most of my students are away this week because it's ski week and everyone goes to the mountains. I was cleaning the flat and having my daily purge of crying. The bell rang. I assumed it was one of my friends, but saw him through the peephole and had to answer because i know that he heard The Clash that I was blasting.

He asked me how I was and i burst into tears and told him in a very broad nutshell what had happened. He told me he'd had no idea I had anyone. He said 'I just thought you had your music and your cats'. That made me feel only slightly pathetic. Jesus! Anyway, I told him that yes i'd had someone for the last 10 months. After giving him the bare details he concluded that my ex is a child. Bingo. he also told me a story about the people living across the hall from me. Apparently in their bedroom they have a giant painting of Jesus and on either side of it is a large teletubby statue. what the fuck? I call them the croc family because they always have a large collection of crocs gathering outside the door. I can't tell how many people live there. I see them occasionally, and the guy often takes the dog out for a walk. He's an older guy, small and always wears a baseball cap, shorts and socks with his crocs. Every now and then, extremely loud house music comes blasting out.

Went out last night for karaoke. Got home way too late and only 3 hours of sleep. Work sucks right now because i'm sooo tired. I can't do things like this as I did when i was younger. Tonight will have to be a mellow night. But, I hate being at home.