You Think You Know About Anger? in Book One: The Not So Daily Briefs 2014

Subtitle: Anger begets Anger begets Anger until BOOM

Sorry I haven't been reading y'all as much as I want. I've been trying to focus all of my energy this week on finishing all my crap. And... there was a good chance that was going to happen. Until Thursday.

Thursdays are difficult days for me in general. They are the first day of the week that doesn't require me to be at work in the morning; so despite my best efforts... I usually sleep in. THIS week I really wanted to use that time more productively. I had everything planned out, schedules to run, it was going to be wonderful. Until I woke up at noon- hours past my alarm clock. Merde. The bitch of it was that there were a few things that I absolutely HAD to do before school... no exceptions, no questions. So I fly out of bed, land in my computer chair and just start typing furiously to make sure I can get those things finished on time. The whole schedule is ruined, everything is in chaos and I miss my first class entirely. My second class is acceptable; but there are some hugely rage inducing elements. First- the professor couldn't be bothered to show up; but we were still required to attend the class, guide ourselves through the exercise, and turn in an assignment. Considering how much debt I have to take on to go to this school... if I have to attend class, so should the person they are PAYING to teach the class! Second- a fellow student and I have to give a presentation in that class next week. So far, I have done all the research... and I have done it solo. I even e-mailed him the research and asked for a time to meet to go over the actual presentation portion.... I've heard nothing from him. I figured, at the very least- I would see him in class to discuss things. Nope. He heard the teacher wasn't coming and figured he shouldn't have to be there if she wasn't going to be. So now... I have a 25% credit presentation to give next week with someone that I honestly don't know if they've done any research let alone anything in the lines of presentation planning. On the way home, I stopped by the Burger King and realized... because of all the running around I'd had to do that day... that was my first FOOD ALL DAY. At 7pm!

So last night, I come home fairly angry. Yes, the occurrences of the day had piled on and that definitely isn't something to be ignored... but even the tiny bullshit stuff was getting to me yesterday (including pain management) so I was ready to explode!! What I wanted most of all last night was to come home, have my wife get home from work shortly thereafter... take a walk, have a chat, and (goddamnitideserveit) make out or have sex to try to just burn off this rage energy at least. My wife doesn't get home until past eleven at night... because she had decided to put extra hours in at work... at a job she hates. Of course, late night- I need to sleep because I actually have places I need to be in the morning. But I'm bubbling with anger and it is difficult to sleep. I inform my wife of this, she gives me a big hug, and then.... that's it. Cuz... a big hug is supposed to take care of it.

Then we have the joy of today. Wake up bright and early at 6, get some work done but dammit all if I'm not still super sleepy. The government offices I need to contact won't be open until 9, so I figure... might as well close my eyes for a bit. Woke up a bit later to a huge waste of time... somehow I didn't even get the most basic things done and- as I don't know how or why that happened- I'm pissed at myself for it. Then I go to school for my Bar Review Class... we all failed the evidence quiz. Gr. I'm typing about 120 words a minute trying to get down everything the prof is saying to prepare for our new quiz when all of a sudden, my wife texts me with an emergency. Her car is missing. It is not in the parking lot. !!! So now, I'm stressed, angry, and freaked. My wife's car has been stolen. I inform her of what to do and tell her that after the class is over I will rush home. Of course, this means that I have to miss some very important Bar Review sessions... but family first. Well, class ends with another quiz and I just rapidly fill out dots because I want to get home and help my wife.

I get home and she's handling things rather well. She's not sure if she will go into work (I offer to drive her) and we're still waiting for the police. Because of how complicated and involved criminal matters can be (trust me, I deal with them everyday) I inform my parents and a few close legal friends that we are going to fill out a police report on the stolen vehicle. I'm somewhat panicky. I don't like waiting for the police to come to us because... fighting against crime is what I want to do with my life. I don't like being the victim of it or passively waiting for someone else to come lend a hand- I should be actively working on things. My wife doesn't have to go into work until 5, so she isn't stressed at all. The officer comes at 4:30 and we give all the information. Car type, seen last, VIN, all of it. He is in his car processing everything and my wife is changing into her work clothes.

Turns out.... car wasn't stolen. Despite repeatedly telling her to use the parking brake on the apartment's VERY steep inclined parking lot; she never does. Last night, the car started rolling down the hill. The private security company that patrols the lot called in a private tow trucking company to remove the vehicle. NOBODY told the registered owner of the car (my wife) and NOBODY told the apartment complex (who would have called my wife per policy). So... if EITHER private security OR private towing had decided to contact ANYONE... my wife could have had her car today. But... we had to find out from the police where her car was.

At this point it is 5:00. Yes, my wife is supposed to be at work at this point but the officer JUST left. AND... I want to know if her car is damaged, if I can pick it up tonight... I'm not going to let her car sit in an impound lot overnight (very expensive) if I can help it. My wife starts yelling at me for making the call instead of taking her to work.... she is, btw, not yet in her work uniform... but I'm still being yelled at. I find out from the tow truck operator why her car was towed, that the tow company will be closed for the evening as of 5:00 and that they will be closed after noon on Saturday. All pertinent and important information. I also take the time, while my wife is applying deodorant, to text my family and legal friends that no criminal matter will be pursued because it was simply a tow issue. My wife is still yelling at me that she is ready to go. Of course... I have my coat on and am waiting at the door for a few minutes waiting for her to actually finish getting ready to go; but... that is what led to our shouting fight in the car. She was mad that I wanted to drive her; I was mad that she was yelling at me to "move my ass" when she wasn't even ready yet.

All I can say right now is... I hope we get her car tomorrow morning. I hope this weekend I can get an absolute ass load of work done. I hope I can catch up on my reading for school. I hope I can catch up on my reading on this site. I hope I can find the time to work on some of my poor neglected creative projects. All in all... I know things won't be Fairy Tail wonderful. More and more, I'm thinking that things are going to end in a catastrophic post-apocalyptic nightmare. But... when the end comes, I just want to make sure I've done all I can, put in as much work as I was able, and can stand at the end saying "I did everything I could, I tried my best. I could do no more and I cannot regret that which I was unable to accomplish."