A Little More Background in Ultimate Randomness

So the happiness high has worn off and I am feeling more like I normally do. Not really a good thing, I know. But I suppose in the current mood, it reminded me that I have alot more to be afraid of then just losing my marriage. Actually, I have good reason to believe that I will die alone and senile. Let me explain in short order. I will start with my mom's side. My mom has dealt with depression and anxiety, particularly panic attacks, for most of her life. She had some traumatic experiences as a teenager and experimented plenty with alcohol and drugs. Even so, it is entirely possible, given the timeline, that the depression is genetic, as is the anxiety, which my sister seems to have gotten. On top of that, both my mom and grandfather were smokers and after my mom quit smoking, she developed a gambling habit. So I have addictive personalities on my mom's side also. On top of all that, when my grandmother died, she was suffering from Parkinson's Syndrome. That, at least, is not genetic. But still, it is something to think about. Now let's look at my dad's side. My dad is actually fairly well adjusted, though he was a very shy, quiet kid, as I was. He got over it through years of therapy, though I am not sure I ever completely overcame it. As for his parents, my grandfather died an alcoholic. My grandmother suffered from Alzheimer's Syndrome for the last 10 or so years of her life. Of course, that one can be genetic. My dad turns 60 this year and seems to be fine except for having always had a selective memory. Still, it is just something to worry about. And honestly, I do worry about being alone. My wife was almost the only women I have seen look at me and have there be interest in me in her eyes. Most of the time, if I am lucky, I get the friend look or the pity look. More often than not, I see the "Please don't let him be looking at me" look or the "You have no chance in hell" look. Sure, most of them don't know me at all, but even the ones that do just look at me like I am a really sweet guy they could be friends with or they just feel bad for me because I am a good guy and they think I deserve better, just not them. So if I seem negative about my chances, it is based on experience. And the fact that I can't keep someone interested in me for an extended period of time. My marriage may have lasted 8 years, but she lost interest in me by 3 years in. So that is it in a nutshell. The only thing I value is my mind and being loved and I have or will lose all of that most likely within twenty years. Lucky me.