Random Statements in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

A Collection of Random Statements in lieu of a more detailed entry

(1) When I returned home from work… Wife was watching TV in the living room and wanted to tell me all about this vampire film she watched this afternoon which she thinks was written by the French but was filmed by a Franco-Anglo cooperation and.... who cares?! There was shit that happened today that actually mattered… can we talk about that?

(2) So… I just went to the basement. TV unboxed but sitting on its face. So I said, “Whatever you want to talk to me about is cool, but can we deal with the basement first?”

(3) Reluctantly, she came down. I asked if everything was plugged in except for the rear speakers… she said “Yes. I’ve worked in electronics, I know what I’m doing.” So we set the TV up. Except the Receiver, which is the HUB of all of the Sources did not have a VIDEO output to the TV. So what we had was a receiver that could send AUDIO to the TV but not VIDEO. Greeaaaaat.

(4) Granted, it was a quick fix but… Wife has said that things are “ready” all week. For her to spend the majority of today watching Netflix/Amazon/Vudu and not actually taking care of the house.... a little upsetting.

(5) Between the two of us, we got the CENTER channel working, the TWO FRONT TOWERS working, the TV powered on, and the PS4 working. We also tested our rear speakers in the midst of a fight… Wife wants to use the pre-existing set up for the rear speakers.... meaning that the rear speakers would be 60 feet or more away from the TV viewing area. I argue that such an idea is stupid. Just put the rear speakers behind the sofa that is facing the tv!! After all, my basement design is carefully tailored. I suck at visuals but imagine a quadrant.
1 2
3 4
1 and 2 combine to create the HOME THEATER SPACE
3 and 2 combine to create the DISCUSSION SALON/BOOK CLUB SPACE
4 and 2 combine to create the TABLETOP GAMING/BOARD GAME/CARDS NIGHT SPACE

So the idea of running 1/3 of section 1 into section 3 and 4 upsets me.

(6) After setting up the TV and testing elements… a massive issue. We purchased a Samsung Smart TV QLED 8 Series. The remote control is overly simplified. One of those “three buttons controls everything, darling” kind of remotes. Annoying as hell. ESPECIALLY since, for some reason, we can’t get TV stations on this TV. We’re not rubes… we have digital cable; we hooked digital cable up to the TV… it isn’t working.

(7) Since we were working hard on Electronics Set Up, I asked Wife if she would want to go out to eat tonight. It wasn’t stated as a “We’re lazy, let’s just go out.” but was stated more as a “It is Friday, we’re young and in love, let’s go out!” She… was less than receptive. She said if we went out to eat, we wouldn’t eat healthy, we’d stay or get fatter, and made it all about caloric intake. I sighed and stated clearly, “This is a date opportunity. This is an effort to explore our new town and spend time together.” She relented but then said, “I’m not changing clothes!” Fine. Go to a restaurant, on a date in sweatpants and a hoodie. Nothing about that screams “not trying” and/or “doesn’t care.”

(8) I do have to give her credit, though!! When we got to the restaurant, she only stared at her phone for the first 20 minutes. After that, while she didn’t really have anything to contribute to the conversation, at least she paid attention to me trying to tell her about work.

(9) We came home, and I tried to be kissy but she said her lips were super chapped. Honestly, I get it. My family represented Blistex for 2 decades and I have personally known the pain of chapped lips. But still… one more reason/one more barrier placed between us.

(10) She decided to watch copious amounts of 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, while I descended into the basement to experiment, test, enjoy the home theater set up.

(11) As per usual, after less than an hour, I went back up to check on Wife. Was she okay.... did she need her drink refreshed… was she sufficiently close to being in the mood.... nothing. Not even a kiss this time.

(12) So I increased the alcohol, stayed downstairs playing video games, alternating between humor videos and porn, and masturbating a Ganges River of semen from lack of use.

In some ways… it is like looking at challenging art. No matter how you view the piece, trying to see the planar spaces, all you see is angles.

I find my wife aesthetically pleasing. She believes herself to be the Cursed Troll Creature of Austerlitz. I find my wife sexually stimulating when she tried even 1%. She believes that trying to be attractive or sexy is a form of being girly, which she rejects with all of her strength.

I suppose… end of the day.... I just want a wife who is willing to spend time with me, share some hobbies, share some meals, and actually HAVE a mutual attraction. And it is pathetic, frustrating, and downright shameful that the woman who has been with me for 14 years and been married to me for almost 8.... just isn’t that person.

Obviously, I’m going to let counseling work. Obviously, I’m going to hope for the best. But… we’ve been married for 7.5 years. Even if you don’t consider all the “time between” for us in sexual difficulty.... there were 3 years of celibacy, and there have now been 6 additional months. Thus, from a statistical perspective…
We were married on July 2, 2011. There have been exactly 96 months of our marriage. Even when we were having sex, it wasn’t common and wasn’t often… but even pretending the NON-EXPRESSLY CELIBATE periods involved sex (which is a stretch of the facts, honestly) that means my marriage has been PURELY celibate for 46 months. (Again, not including the fact that at best I would have sex with my Wife maybe once a month or once every other month at best. But no, just looking at the 2011 to 2014 drought and the 2018 to 2019 drought ONLY… that is 42 months celibate out of 96 months married for a total of.... 44% of the marriage so far has been Mandatory Celibate.

Yeah, I consider it an issue. And for my dear friends and fellow PB users who view this situation and say, “Shame on you. She shouldn’t have sex if she doesn’t want to. Marriage isn’t about sex”.... oh yeah? Well… do you also believe that if you aren’t sexually satisfying your man, he should be allowed to seek sexual release outside the home??? Or are you just someone who thinks, “My husband made a vow to be my one and only and he should never have anyone else.” Because that thinking? Ultimately translates into: My husband shouldn’t be with anyone besides his wife… I, as his wife, want nothing to do with him sexually.... therefore, despite entering into a legal and spiritual contract that I am the only legally acceptable sexual partner for my spouse… and if I don’t wish to have sex for years at a time.. then my husband should just deal with it because his needs are not as important as mine.

I get that people will fight that and argue that. I do. I understand. But tackle it rationally. Let’s say it was a business contract.
You, as a restaurant, have an excellent relationship with your alcohol vendors. So good, in fact, that you decide to ONLY carry Curzan Rum from now on, since that vendor does such an excellent job. A few months after signing the exclusivity contract, Cruzan simply STOPS sending you shipments of alcohol. SURE they send you promotional materials, and Contest Announcements and all of that.... but they never send you any of the PRODUCT. This is complicated because, since you signed an exclusivity deal… you could be in a LOT of trouble trying to buy someone else’s rum in order to meet demand. You lose money hand over fist. You’re in dire straits. You’ve been trying to work with Cruzan for a while but nothing changes. FINALLY when you think you’re at your end… Cruzan starts meeting your orders again. If you cNOT to your actual orders. Instead of the 9 bottles you ordered, they send you 2… but you don’t have to break your exclusivity contract and worry about all of that extra hassle. A year or two after Cruzan starts shipping you product again, albeit far less than requested or contemplated during contract negotiations, they stop sending again. They claim Weather Conditions have prevented them from meeting adequate need. However, you see loads of other Rum Companies following through on their contracts. Even despite the previous relationship with Cruzan… that bar is going to need to change Rum Suppliers… because if other bars are getting rum; it is a terrible business decision to NOT serve Rum until the exclusivity contract is met. At some point, despite the additional cost and legal troubles… in order to do proper business and meet customer demand.... at some point, that restaurant is going to need to flagrantly break the exclusivity contract just to stay in business… and even though that will most assuredly result in Cruzan suing the shit out of this little business… that is how things work.

If you contract for something, with an exclusivity caveat, a business cannot then refuse service. I understand humans are different… but that means on both sides of the issue. My wife continues to use “I feel fat” and “You look fat” to prevent intimacy, for which she has an ironclad contract of exclusivity. The judge has already ruled that any and all evidence refuting Wife’s claims are irrelevant and impermissible as they would not change Wife’s mind anyway. But then… where is my recourse? Where then is my “FINE, I’ll use a different company!”
It does not exist in marriage. At least, not in a marriage where honor and ethics are so controlling.

More familiar rambling.
More lonely loser.
Sorry, friends.