At The Conclusion in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

A cold night falls
A night of howling wind
of brutal cold
of bitter dark

Wife is watching her favorite show
drinking her favorite whiskey
enjoying a fire of her own making
she says she is content

I am in the basement
grinding away at a video game
reluctantly watching pornography
feeling less than enthusiastically giddy

Wife is content. Television and comfort and warmth. I know to give things time. Patience now that we’ve started counseling. But my patience has been used so much.

Before you say that the strong man would march into the room and take her… know how that has and would work. Even this evening, because I wanted a kiss, I did the forceful man thing. I held her close, grabbed the back of her head, and pulled her into my lips. She pulled a face to prevent the kiss itself. It was too soon. Too rushed. But just because she is finally taking a baby step towards understanding and maybe (if I’m very lucky) change… doesn’t mean that I haven’t been waiting for years.