Bad Moon Risin' in Hello

Threat of really bad weather tonight after midnight. Instead of staying at work till 2:30am I’m boltin’ at 12:30am when I get my eight hours in.

Therapy today. I like Michelle, a lot. She’s a good spring board for my crazy and today was no different. She put it to me in a way…I’m so bitter and hate my dad so much, almost twenty years after his passing, why does it still dictate my life? I’ve had my successes with college and job front and will do surprsingly well for a little while till I self sabatoge and wreck everything. My last “assignment” was to write down my thoughts when I want to drink. Okay, I’m lonely. I get to thinking on failed friendships and relationships which lead to her asking about my ex Melissa and what happened. Well, anytime she brought up where our relationship was headed I shrugged it off, avoiding that conversation. I was content where we were at but if someone does that long enough, you start to think of them as disregarding your feelings.

DING!
DING!
DING!

We have a winner.

Also used the analogy that I’m the kid in the cereal aisle, boxes stocked nearly, I stick my arms out, running and knocking everything off the shelf. That, me, my self destructive tendencies.

I dunno, just gave me a lot to think about tonight.

Next assignment, write a letter to said deceased father. I need to put thought into this one. He never hit me or anything like that (middle brother did, though) but he was emotionally distant, put his friends above his family. Like everything was fine till I got to jr. high, then he changed. I watched this man nose dive into his alcoholism and con men friends. Goes from computer programmer to a door-to-door fucking meat salesman. It was so embarrasing to get dropped off at school in a truck with a freezer and generator in the bed.

Speaking of school, I need to mention to her about how being in the special ed program screwed me up too. Again, embarrassing to have your desk right next to the teacher because they think you’re slow, or as they called it, have a “learning disability.”

You know they tried to get me to get a “vocational” diploma when I was in high school? I’d take my four core classes then go be a janitor the rest of the day. I’m not fucking kidding. The public education system owes me a hefty refund. It’s no wonder when I run into people I knew back then they’re surprised I actually can hold a conversation now. I was SUPER shy back then. Anyways…

Oi, this is all over the place. Hurry up 12:30, I wana go home.