I guess just venting in day to day

It has been a pretty great couple of days. But Yesterday I got home at around 3:50 and cried for 20 minutes, reason unknown. It could be from stress because everyone stress cries right?
I’m constantly thinking about everything I do, assuring I don’t mess it up and look stupid. I know I will mess it up with Roper. It’s not that I want everyone’s sympathy, I guess now that brings me to the topic of my family. Let’s start with my twisted sister. She is one of those bullies from the teen movies that have to break everyone down to make themselves feel good. She’s my younger sister which makes my heart break even more. Most older sisters die for a younger sister, to show them the way of life. To teach them how to do makeup or to talk about boys with. I just wish mine didn’t exist at all. She is one of my biggest struggles in life. She breaks me down and ridicules me almost every day. Why? That’s one answer I don’t have. I do almost everything she asks of me and yet I’m still not good enough for her. What part do my parents play in all of this? My dad doesn’t say anything, and when he does it could honestly save lives. He laid back and picks his battles. If only he would pick mine. My mom created the devil my sister is today. My mom isn’t as bad as my sister, but she is up there with her. She one of the other ridiculers in my life, nothing is ever good enough for her. I work hard in my classes, but I seem to be the last thing on her mind. My psycho of a brother comes before me. My brother has undiagnosed bipolar. He tears my parents down and yet when he says jump, they say how high. I’m constantly left broken.
Then there is Roper he goes out of his way to build me up why? He is so far out of my league. I mean he could do so much better. Half the girls in school have a crush on him. But he is with me it makes no senses I mean he walks me to class he text me all my friends complain that they have to always text first but Roper is not like that I mean he gives me little things for no reason He helps with my barrel racing (his mom host barrel racing clinics) He ask to see the pictures I take. He asks about my crafts and helps if I ask, I mean he gave me one of his boots because I wanted to make a lamp and he only had one pair. I don’t understand why he is so nice to me he could do so much better without even trying.

Last updated January 21, 2019