Subjective Reality. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

On the one hand, I still believe, to some degree, that we choose our reality. That we choose the perspective for which we see the world. We can choose to focus on different facets, whether they be positive, negative, or completely imaginary. We choose to escape. We choose to deal. We choose to be emotionally masochistic and torture ourselves. We choose treat ourselves to nice things. We choose to see ourselves as the hero of our story, or the victim of unfortunate events outside of our control.

On the other hand, sometimes, there are immutable circumstances completely outside of our immediate control. And for all the talk of perspective, of doing nice things for ourselves, of looking forward to things, sometimes there's absolutely no reprieve in an immediate future. And to say to someone in that dark hole of no escape, "Oh, it's not so bad" or "You just need to think positive", it's really condescending.

You know. Makes me wonder just now. If there are immutable circumstances we can't deny, why must the always be negative? If there is a torturous existence we can't deny, why can't there also be a euphoria we can't deny? That is, it's far easier to deny ourselves happiness than it is to deny ourselves sadness. Isn't it? We've all had those moments of triumph somehow blotted by some footnote.

I'm not quite a nihilist, I don't believe it is human nature to suffer. Yet it is fascinating how the ignorant nature of children is to be, well, content and otherwise happy. And only once we are enlightened to the nature of our existence that we feel stress, anxiety, and indeed "suffer". I spend most of my existence in conscious denial of this suffering. My 'perspective', if you will. Despite my own pervading darkness, my reaction to anything stressful is to downplay, to mock. For I prefer laughing at the implements of pain than ever give it credit. Whether reality is actually darker than I think it is doesn't matter at all. I choose to shape my reality into something I can actually deal with. To shape our reality into something not worth living becomes ultimately self-fulfilling.