2018's Long Ass Survey in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Largely summarized by the following:

What was your biggest life lesson this year and what did you learn?
It is a lesson that I am still learning and still trying to use in my life… but I learned that I need to fight for my own needs and wants. I was raised with the beating drum of self-sacrifice but I learned and am learning that a life of sacrifice leaves a man with nothing if he does not also fight for himself as well.

What did you accomplish this year that you are most proud of?
I was able to leave a toxic job, procure a good job, and buy a house

What is your biggest disappointment or regret this year?
My biggest regret? Adding weight by being almost entirely sedentary for 4 months.

Which significant relationship improved the most?
It is still VERY MUCH a work in progress, but I’d say the relationship I have with myself. I’m understanding me a little more and trying to figure out what I really need and how to get there

Which significant relationship did you neglect the most?
Goodness, too many. So many of my friends and family are out of state or out of continent that I tend to accidentally neglect those relationships too much.

How did you grow emotionally this year?
I hope I grew emotionally. After being ripped to emotional shreds by my Private Firm gig, finding a job I genuinely enjoy in a community I like has done a lot of good work on my emotional well being.

What do you wish you had done more of this past year?
Exercise and express my lustful side

What do you wish you had done less of this past year?
Been in pain physically and/or emotionally

What was the smartest decision you made this year?
Smartest decision was to quit my private firm!

What are you most grateful for this past year?
My county, my job, my house

How did you manage your stress levels this year?
Very unwell over all. The Firm stress nearly killed me. Then I had Unemployment Stress handled by exercise (good). Then Bachelorhood Job Start I ate shitty foods, drank too much, and didn’t exercise. And these days… I’m not sleeping, drinking. and just over all keeping myself in a foul mood by contemplating that my Wife doesn’t actually want me mixed with the very dark possibility that I’m just… wrong, somehow… and I’ll never be wanted by someine that I want just as much.

What was your best financial decision this year?
This may come back to bite us hard; but right now I’d say buying the house. In an apartment, the way I’m feeling would only be made worse.

What was your worst financial decision this year?
Same as last year: not investing wisely

What is one miracle you experienced this year?
Getting this job

What was the greatest, kindest service you performed this year?
Damn. That is an incredibly tough question. Tragically, I’m not sure I have an answer.

What unfinished business do you have from this year?
Sadly, many. I need to lose 65 to 75 pounds. I need to once and for all fix my marriage or let it go.

What held you back this past year?
My time spent with my private firm; my own self-doubts, the amount of time and energy I expend concerned about my marriage and sex life

How did you spend your weekends this past year?
I played DragonLance with 5150, I played video games, I traveled quite a bit!

What do you want to stop doing in 2019?
I want to stop putting energy and time into things that are not rewardng

If you had to describe your 2018 in 3 words, what would they be?
Restrained
Educational
Liberating

Which of your personal qualities turned out to be the most helpful this year?
My professionalism and dedication to ethics

What was your biggest break-through moment career-wise?
FINALLY at long last finding a Lawyer Job that I want to actually keep and stay in

What little things did you most enjoy during your day-to-day life?
Being an Assistant County Attorney in a community that actually had a healthy population

What was your most common mental state this year (e.g. excited, curious, stressed)?
Depressed and anxious sadly take the top spots again this year.

Was there anything you did for the very first time in your life this year?
Bought a house!

What experience would you love to do all over again?
I would have either tried harder to find apartment living in IF or I would have gotten my gym membership earlier

What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever?
Right now, I’m in a hopeful mood as neither can be said to be successes yet… but I’m hoping either the House or Couple’s Counseling.

What do you deserve a pat on the back for?
Surviving another year of physical pain while trying my damnedest to compete in a world of Able Bodied people

What did you think about more than anything else?
My neglected libido

What advice would you give your early-2018 self if you could?
You don’t owe them anything. You’ve been hearing it from everyone else, now hear it from me. You can leave without guilt.

Did any parts of yourself or your life do a complete 180 this year?
I would say that my job satisfaction took a pretty serious 180 this year

Did you keep your New Year;s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
Well… didn’t lose weight, didn’t fix my marriage so I’d say no.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
SO many of my friends had babies this year!!

Did anyone close to you die?
Actually, no. NO deaths this year of close friends or family that I am aware of.

What countries did you visit?
Did not leave the country

What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?
A Home Theater Area, completed Guest Quarters, fenced in yard, a dog… a wife who will have sex with me or a fuck buddy willing to fill the role of Friend and Fuck Partner.

What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Specific dates don’t stay with me as well anymore and not many dates worth remembering this last year

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really, no

What song(s) will always remind you of 2018?
Nothing More: Just Say When

Compared to this time last year (2018), are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Happier. Despite everything bogging me down right now, I am in a much better place
ii. Thinner or fatter? Fatter. Additional 4 months of sedentary were not my friend
iii. Richer or poorer? Richer in some ways BUT we now actually have debt, so we’re less liquid

How did you spend Christmas?
Morning: Parents House
Evening: Methodist Church in Hazleton

What did you get for Christmas this year?
Books, video games, board games.

What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2018?
Public Drunken argument with my wife in July about how absolutely gutted I am by our relationships non-physical-intimacy-bullshit

Did you fall in love in 2018?
No. Sadly, not at all.

How many one night stands?
Ha. Yeah. Friends, I’ve not physically been with in any romantic sense anyone but my wife in over a decade!

What was your favourite TV programme?
Dragon Ball Z Abridged

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?
Old, tight fitting, business clothes

What kept you sane?
Prosebox. Facebook (in its way). Parents. Friends.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No, which is a good sign! I’ve met loads of people I didn’t know last year and I don’t really have a long list of new hatreds

What was the best book you read in 2018?
Iowa Rules of Court: State Handbook 2019

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Sadly, I did not get to enjoy a lot of music this year

What were your favourite films of this year?
Did not see that many films. I can’t even remember all of the ones I saw in theaters, though. Maybe Bohemian Rhapsody?

What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 34. I honestly have no recollection of my birthday.

What three things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
(a) Personal Trainer to blast away the last 70 pounds
(b) Better marriage (or barring that)
(c) An amazing sex kitten with whom I explored every fantasy I’d ever had

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Rachel Riley!!

Who did you miss?
Aoife, my Wife, Raven (in a big way)

Which PBers did you meet for the first time?
Haven’t done that yet. Not sure when I will; but I can say for certain that there are a few I would love to meet up with and hang out.

What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018?
Value yourself