ya know. sometimes i thinkfeel i don't deserve anything. and sometimes. i just want someone to agree w/ me. yes one of those song disection thingys. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

right so as put.

and the reason. I thinkfeel I don't deserve anything is bc. I put people through hell. I've put my ex through hell w/ my drinking I've put my parents through hell w/ how tenacious I am. I put evan through hell last spring. oh god did I.

'someone to put me through hell is.......'

and I've also. ruined their sleep as it were. and sat in their chairs as simple as that is. 'someone to sit in my chair and ruin my sleep and.......'.

but I've also made them alive. we all have. sure not 'alive' in the way I am.

'.........of being alive.........being alive'

um. and sometimes. I just want someone to agree w/ me. not, do anything about it. just be like 'yeah you're right you have put people through hell' and leave it there.

i'm very very good at making people see what I want them to. [oh i'm also really good at being charming. not like I have to try, really]. I even did that w/ Laura. so yes I realise the confliction of these 2 statements. I want people to see me for who I am but they can't if I won't let them. No I know.

i'm not a bad person or anything. [I don't like using the word 'bad' to describe things but you get my point]. i'm just. not as great as everyone things.