a very normal afterlife in poetry

once, there was a very normal boy
so normal he was born in Normal, Illinois
he was born at a very normal time
Monday afternoon at half-past-five
and he was normal every day he was alive
in fact, you might well say that he
was quite extraordinarily normal
normal to an abnormal degree
he was so normal that wherever he went
he canceled out the magic

anything supernatural
or extra-dimensional or
alien or even the divine
he muted just by being there
his presence suppressed the sublime
so of course, he didn’t believe in any of it

he could walk into a church
and while he was there
there was no God to listen
he could stumble past a pagan rite
and suddenly the sky no longer glistened
he could look up at a U.F.O. and
it would become just a hubcap in the sky
and when he was a normal old man
when he died, well
then he just died
he went down the white light tunnel
just like you or anyone or even I
but within forty feet of the pearly gates
Saint Peter himself was seen to dissipate
only when his normal soul did finally evaporate
did Peter and his book return, confused and irate

the normal man who’d been a very normal boy
born and raised in Normal, Illinois
he could still see wonderful things, just the same
but only if they could be scientastically explained
Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon
or a double rainbow high-above
the normal man was even able to fall in love
because he understood it as the by-product
of pheromones and years of familiarity
not holy magic like it is to you or me

he met a woman who owned a haunted house
but when he visited, it was just floorboards that creaked
he made her less scared in her home
he made her feel normal and less of a freak
and of course, their children rebelled and
his children were all pretty strange
they were the only abnormal that
his normal couldn’t change
but he was mostly happy

so, lived and died a normal boy
so normal he was born in Normal, Illinois
so normal his name was Norm Leroy
but don’t be like him, my poetic brethren
because you gotta get weird
if you wanna go to heaven

Last updated December 31, 2018