unbelievable.... in General musings

So, since I'd heard NOTHING in days, other than a stupid email from Sunday, saying something like, "old F is back, nope, gone again. Clone time!" I let things be, even though I started to feel miserable and "needy" again. I'd sent a late night email on Sunday, 'Heading up to bed...haven't actually talked to you in like a week... ' Got nothing all day yesterday....or this morning, so, knowing damn well I shouldn't, I wrote, 'Are you tired of me already? Have not heard from you ..." Got back two emails within seconds of each other... The first reading, "Pffffffft" followed by, "Nope just busy". And I started to feel....oh, all kinda old feelings, and I dragged out my paper journals from when we first got together in 1985. This brought up lots of things...first, it is so amusing that 30 years later he still uses the same lines on me...little things like "your hair is too short" which he said two weeks ago at the salon, making the "it should be done to your ass" gesture, also circa 1985...and the "i hate to say it but I miss you" also goes back to then....Has he grown-evolved-changed at all from his early 20's? Also, reading the old old story.... how I "cheated" on him over and over...but can you be "cheating" on a relationship you are not really in? But, at an rate, it just was not easy to read. Also found another old online diary that I haven't written in in 5+ years, but there was an old entry, where I was at his house and we were fighting and I muttered under my breath, and his mom asked what I said, 'I just want to push his face in'. She answered, "of course you do, who wouldn't?" That felt like a little "beyond the grave" affirmation of how pissed I am at him right now too.