Inconsistent in 2018

Depression is real....and it’s been an up and down struggle lately. Combined with the sleep issues and often rough schedule right now, it makes for a chronically exhausted balancing act of where to spend my low energy reserves.

Plus, with money tight, still no internet access at home, so this will be spotty for now. I finish school at the end of February (more on that later), which should then open up new jobs and increased income shortly after that. That’s the plan, anyway.

I’m actually sitting at school right now doing some make-up work for classes I misses two weeks ago due to a sinus infection. This week and next, then two off for the holidays. Then the home stretch. It’ll be a good and bad thing…I like school here a lot, and I love the people here. I’ll miss it, but I’m also ready for the changes it’ll help with, particularly getting me out of retail (even if I stay on part time to start with) and into something I actually enjoy. Plus, it should help finances significantly and improve my schedule.

Getting a better schedule will go a long way towards helping the sleep issues, I think. I get up at 3:15 am for work, and I’m much more of an evening person by nature. So, my natural sleep patterns are all wonky right now. Plus, it should help me do better with eating choices and activity, and losing some weight....which is one of the biggest things for improving sleep apnea. Even a 10% increase in weight over “normal” can make significant impacts on sleep apnea and other health issues. And that’s not really too much in my case. Plus, the exhaustion feeds the depression for me. That plus stress are the two main contributing factors to the dysthymia in my case.

Being back in school has done wonders for me in a many ways, especially just getting my brain stimulated again. I’m really feel like I’m at my best in an academic environment, especially when I’m studying something I’m truly interested in. I’ve missed that. Reading has helped a good bit, too, even if I’m on a fiction binge lately rather than the nonfiction one I’ve been on for the past few years. Hopefully, writing will come with that.....but for me, there’s a love/hate relationship with writing as it does take a good bit out of me energetically. And I just don’t have the energy to spare for it most days.

Therapy is helping a great deal, and we’re now starting to get into first steps of consistent CBT. Unfortunately, my insurance isn’t covering it and I can only afford to go once every three weeks or so. So it’s moving, just more slowly than I’d like.

I should be able to get on here a bit more in the next few weeks as school will be out for two weeks (I go three evenings a week after work) and I’ll be partially housesitting for a friend as she’ll be out of town for some of the holidays. Hopefully then I can get caught up on other entries, too....even if you people are so dang prolific!