The Incredible Lightness of Being in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Title chosen at random but for those curious about the similar sounding “Unbearable Lightness of Being”, Wikipedia says the following:
“Challenging Friedrich Nietzsche’s concept of eternal recurrence (the idea that the universe and its events have already occurred and will recur ad infinitum), the story’s thematic meditations posit the alternative: that each person has only one life to live and that which occurs in life occurs only once and never again – thus the “lightness” of being. Moreover, this lightness also signifies freedom; Tomáš and Sabina display this lightness, whereas Tereza’s character is “weighed down”. In the Constance Garnett translation of Tolstoy’s “War and Peace” she gives us the phrase “strange lightness of being” during the description of Prince Andrey’s death. In contrast, the concept of eternal recurrence imposes a “heaviness” on life and the decisions that are made – to borrow from Nietzsche’s metaphor, it gives them “weight”. Nietzsche believed this heaviness could be either a tremendous burden or great benefit depending on the individual’s perspective.[1]

The “unbearable lightness” in the title also refers to the lightness of love and sex, which are themes of the novel. Kundera portrays love as fleeting, haphazard and possibly based upon endless strings of coincidences, despite holding much significance for humans.

In the novel, Nietzsche’s concept is attached to an interpretation of the German adage Einmal ist keinmal (“one occurrence is not significant”), namely an “all-or-nothing” cognitive distortion that Tomáš must overcome in his hero’s journey. He initially believes “If we only have one life to live, we might as well not have lived at all,” and specifically (with respect to committing to Tereza) “There is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison.” The novel resolves this question decisively that such a commitment is in fact possible and desirable. [2]”

So… maybe the title was chosen randomly but with subconscious purpose.

One thing that is most definitely true in Government Law is the Feast or Famine element. Yesterday, I was busy from 9 a.m. until 4:30 p.m. with nary a moment’s pause. Today? I have to file something (which was completed within the first five minutes of the day), attend hearings at 11:00 a.m., attend a meeting with victims of Sexual Assault at 1:00 p.m. Then prepare for trials tomorrow which… for better or worse… went from 10 trials to 2. And those two aren’t exactly brain busting. (1) Theft from Wal Mart. (2) Unlawfully passing a school bus. Officers are bitching about the increase in court appearances for school buses but… goes to show even Police Officers don’t spend enough time reading the law or understanding the implications of it. In Iowa this year Passing a School Bus has become an enhanceable offense under Administrative Code. Which means… for ME at the criminal level… it is always a traffic ticket. But for the DOT at the License Level.. first offense conviction is automatic suspension of Driver’s License for 30 days, 2nd for 60, 3rd for 90. So while my officers are sitting here thinking “Just pay the ticket” the truth is… even just paying that ticket will create a minimum 30 day suspension of driving privileges. So… while I’m annoyed at the added cost to taxpayers that every ticket of this nature will now be fought, I can’t say that I don’t understand why.

Anyway… that being said, today will likely be a day of… not doing as much as I would have otherwise assumed. I mean… yeah, if all 10 trials were going tomorrow? Hoo. I’d be working my ass off. But I’ve already done the work on some of them, which is why they’ve now plead. But being in a position where I’ll actually have some time now… gets my mind wandering a bit.

First: It wanders to the type of case I’m seeing more and more and more and more and more and more. Essentially, “Everyone acts like High Schoolers into adulthood and since there are no longer teachers or principals to deal with the situation, the State via me has to step in. Not even like, “Oh, you’re exaggerating” but like… legitimate high school bullshit. Woman A starts Dating Man 1 and they have a wonderful relationship. However, Woman A doesn’t realize Man 1 is married to Woman B. Woman B discovers the infidelity and begins to text terrible things to Woman A at all hours of the day. Woman A confronts Man 1 and he explains how he is in the middle of a divorce from Woman B and they don’t even live together anymore. All of this is proven. Woman A texts Woman B that the divorce means Woman B should stop acting like she’s married and accept that Man 1 is finding happiness. Woman B continues to send threatening and hostile text messages (and gets her friends to do so as well) to Woman A for three years. By now the divorce is well past finalized and everyone should have gone on with their lives. But that isn’t the case. Expectedly, Woman A is sick of the constant harassment and treatment, so the police are called over and over and over and over and over again. Under the Old Regime, the response was always “We don’t care.” But under the new regime, the response is “We can’t have ‘adults’ acting like this as it is a threat to public safety.” So I get the case and hope to convict Woman B. But the truth is? It won’t change anything. A fine or jail time for a maximum of 30 days won’t convince a woman THIS dedicated to grow up and leave Woman A alone. Which means we’re in a Stuck Loop. If I convict, the No Contact Order stays. Woman B will continue to violate the No Contact Order and we’ll have several hearings a year based on it. A pattern that is already established by other similar cases of just asinine immature bullshit.

Second: It wanders to reading about things that I find somewhat interesting but not engaging enough that I have to invest into anything emotionally or with any form of dedication. That is why I don’t read much Prosebox anymore at work. I get emotionally invested and I’m less willing to just leave in the middle of reading should an interruption occur. So instead, I cruise BBC, News and Guts, and Cracked.com. Interspersed with reading all of that, I get officers that stop by asking me questions about charging documents and level of offense.

Third: It wanders to the conundrum of me and communication. I would LOVE to be better at it and have more access, but the truth is I’m not deserving of it because I’d use it poorly. Let me be a bit more specific and stop using vague language. So I love notes on Prosebox. LOVE LOVE them. Because it is the closest I get to talking to people sometimes. I would love to use my Facebook Message Ap more. Because it would be like talking to people. I would love to have some kind of WeChat, WhatsAp, SnapChat… whatever “communication service” people are using. I would love it because it would be like talking to people… and I used to absolutely love AIM and MSM. But y’see… I’m terrible at those things. When I’m available to speak, I’m super available. Like “Lets have a conversation in real time!” But when I’m not available, I’m super not available. Like “Stop texting me, I’m trying to conduct trial here!” So… I want more friends to talk with online but, like IRL, I’m sometimes a hard person to be friends with, lol.

Fourth: Of course, the truth is… talking to more people could get me in serious trouble of an unfortunate kind. Because obviously I am a man with significant needs not being met in his marriage and, despite my love for my wife and my dedication to working towards our marriage, there are some scenarios which can/could play out very dangerously if you see what I mean. And while I certainly don’t wish to disturb my world right now… I would far prefer fixing things with Wife as opposed to trying to find someone new… I can’t necessarily say confidently what I would do if a truly better opportunity appeared. Which isn’t a great place to be in many respects.

Of course… after lunch got a bit more intense.
(1) Police Officer charged the wrong person with the wrong thing. OF COURSE I’m going to prioritize fixing that.
(2) THEN District Associate Judge rejected a bunch of my cases because he “didn’t feel that the facts alleged rose to a criminal offense.” DUDE… a man punches his girlfriend in the mouth, that is a crime. But the police fucked up and despite me repeatedly telling them “In Iowa, you can only charge Domestic Abuse if the police report says the defendant lived with the victim” the police didn’t include that information. So… instead of “Hey, Domestic Violence” it doesn’t count as that. ALSO… a mom closed-fist punched her ten year old child in the face. The judge does not consider that Child Abuse nor Child Endangerment. It is “simply an assault.” GR. Bothers me!
(3) An employee’s child is in trouble with the law, so I had to file a full Conflict Disclosure and Request to Transfer Jurisdiction.
(4) An employee’s child got their face beaten in and I’m in charge of prosecuting. The attacker is a child, themselves, so I want to make our Juvenile Court Officer handle the whole thing; but they keep asking ME what kind of services and punishment we should be discussing. It’s a kid… throw him in Juvenile Detention if this county has that or, if not, put him through services… I don’t know.
(5) Meeting with Children Victims of Sexual Assault and their parent. Grrrrrrrrrrreat. Because I needed an emotional “pick me up” today. Hard part of the job, friends.
(6) THEN, finally, trying to prepare for tomorrow’s stupid trials .

Which is somewhat difficult after hearing a 10 year old and an 11 year old describe (1) their mother’s meth fueled binges; (2) the sexual abuse they went through from her mother’s boyfriend; (3) the fact that their mother views them as “the reason her man left” because the children started staying with their dad more. Yes, that’s right. A mother who thinks the absence of her children led her man to leave her; and yet still says that the man did nothing inappropriate to her girls.

Yeah. Some of this can be unhappy in the job. And instead of going home, being treated like a 1955 Mr. Cleaver, or having the slightest hope of a kiss or shag… I’m likely going to go home, exercise, buy booze, and go to the basement to play video games while Wife watches another Mix Binge Marathon of “Pit Bulls and Paroles,” “Adam Ruins Everything,” “MASH,” and “Last of the Summer Wine.”

I just saw something I want to rail against knowing that many of my friends on this site will, in fact, call me an ass and argue with me about.

It was a video about the kind of BULLSHIT women deal with in online dating. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am 100% aware of the genuine bullshit women deal with in online dating; and if this was a video about toxic men being assholes, I’d be in full support. However, this video was describing how if you have a beard in your profile picture and show up to the date without a beard… that is as bad as using someone else’s picture entirely. This upsets me as someone who goes between goatee to clean shaven randomly. I appreciate that facial hair certainly changes the appearance of a man… but the woman in the video stated that she was a “beard fan” and she “swipes right” on a guy and he shows up without a beard… he should sit quietly, pay for her drinks, and apologize for lying to her. Uhm… how is that more acceptable then if a guy says he’s a “thin fan” and he “swipes right” on a girl and she shows up overweight? Because if there was a video saying that the dude had been “unfairly misled” due to weight gain… the Incels would eat it up, American Majority would say it was distasteful, and progressives would call it ugly and discriminating.

Right now… I’ve got loads on my mind.

But mostly?

In a weird way…

I’m just… thinking… I’d like to not have people tell me what to do or judge me. Just for like.. a few days.

I don’t know if it is the job, the move, the wife, the time of year, the prosebox… I don’t know what it is. But lately… I just feel… like so much of my life is being told, “Well, you should do this” while people are thinking “You shouldn’t do that”. Maybe that’s part of being a lawyer. Serving many, prosecuting many, answering to different judges… there will always be people telling me I’m doing something wrong, I’m not doing the right thing, I need to do things differently. I guess… I’d just like to take a break from that for a bit. To not have people in my ear telling me what to do. To not have people in my ear telling me how I’m messing up.