NoJoMo 26 in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

NoJoMo 26 Prompt 1: Which of the “seven deadly sins” do you think you fall into? Why?

NoJoMo 26 Answer 1: HA! Props to the question for using the exact wording to let me tell you a story. SO, I have long wanted to invent a Comic Book Super Villain in the realm of Mephisto and Blackheart that is simply named Seven. He/She/It is the embodiment of the Seven Deadly Sins and powers include (1) knowing by touch a person’s sinful weakness; (2) being able to control/break/manipulate that person through said weakness; (3) being recharged and empowered through the accumulated Sin of the World. Largely because… I think all 7 hit me pretty hard… and I’d be curious to know what my ONE SIN WEAKNESS would be… though, ultimately, I think I already know.

Lust: This one, obviously, is a huge weakness for me these days. If this one isn’t TOP, it is damned close. Because what rubric am I using? Life Destroying Choices. If I could see myself easily, joyfully, or instantly succumbing to a Sin… even knowing the dangers… then that is the one that deserves to be TOP. And let me tell you… admitting that there is no possibility for it anyway… if I were at the gym and a Fitness Hottie requested my amorous presence in her boudoir … or (even less likely) if I was at a fancy gala and a long, thick haired woman in a stunning elegant black dress slipped me her room key? I’d be in a LOT of trouble!

Envy: I often wonder if, in a subtle and perhaps invisible way, this sin is truly my greatest. After all, if my life were “the norm, the statistical average” in every way, would anything else grab me? Am I inherently the kind of person that continues to look towards what others have and think “Be lucky you aren’t lacking; but depressed at what you don’t have.”

Wrath: I would never blame Jesus for setting us up to fail; but Jesus’ outburst at the Temple certainly created “reasonable doubt” for folks on this one! Because Jesus’ actions essentially break down to: Righteous anger at evil is acceptable. Well, I’m an angry guy. And I see varying levels of evil every day. So am I sinfully wrathful or am I righteously wrathful? Isn’t it true that in order to truly understand the difference, the entire situation must be examined through a third-party hindsight analysis? Thereby suggesting that in the moment of rage we never truly understand whether we are Wrath or Righteous? I’ll do one better, though. What about folks who are genetically wrathful by no fault of their own?? In order to deal with a lifetime of pain, I used to feel anger constantly. Because the release of those endorphins helped me tolerate the pain and get through my day. So is that wrath a sin or genetic? The Religious Answer would, likely, be “both.” Because while feeling angry is problematic, it is how we express that rage that creates the sin. But then… if you’re constantly angry… you need a way to direct it. Certainly, breaking that young boy’s leg was Wrath; but was assaulting Red also wrath?

Gluttony: Gluttony can be seen as many things. Yes, most see it strictly as an insatiable appetite for food and drink; but I see Gluttony as Avarice’s Irish Twin. Gluttony is simply the insatiable appetite. Ultimately, each Deadly Sin is “an obsession with unmet desires.” Lust is soul-destroying obsession with sex. Envy is soul-destroying obsession with never having enough compared to others. Wrath is soul-destroying obsession with rage. Avarice is soul-destroying obsession with money. Sloth is soul-destroying obsession with laziness. Pride is soul-destroying obsession with oneself. Gluttony, I really see as a soul-destroying obsession with always wanting more. In that framing, I think I’m really bad here. Because I do always want more. I’m rarely satisfied with what I have because I expect that I can do better or feel that I should do better. Perhaps my view of Gluttony has gone too metaphorical over the years and strayed from a proper literal interpretation; but I think my version is something to be mindful about.

Avarice: My own sense of Greed, I would argue is… one of necessity. When I wasn’t making money and was miserable… I would have owned my greed. Because if you’re not going to get anything else out of the deal… I had damned sure better be making fucking BANK!! But these days? I mean… I have a house, I have bills and financial obligations… I have more reason to be greedy… but honestly feel it less. For instance, last week… I was asked what kind of raise I want. I simply said “In Tiny Town I was making $60k. There’s more work here but I like the job so much more. So, anything around that would be okay.” My boss repeatedly asked me if I needed more… if I wanted more… he would fight for whatever I said… I told him I trusted him and the board and provided it was competitive, I was happy at the job for non-financial reasons so whatever money they wanted to offer would be good with me. If I were greedy? I would have asked for 70k.

Sloth: I am so weird about this one. It all boils down to motivation, information, and inspiration. Technically… true Sloth drives me round the fucking bend!! Idleness, true idleness, just does not sit well with me!! BUT… seen from a different perspective.... Playing video games, writing on-line, cruising facebook, looking at pornography… if those are all “elements of idleness?” then I’m in trouble. Because my mind ABSOLUTELY needs to be occupied with something… but if I can give my mind fun, happy, or interesting distractions as opposed to something hard, laborious, or boring? Then… yeah. That’s what my mind is going to grab.

Pride: When it comes to Pride, I lovingly think about Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Because what was once said to me was said to her.
Buffy: I feel like I’m worse than anyone. Honestly, I’m beneath them. My friends, my boyfriends. I feel like I’m not worthy of their love. ‘Cause even though they love me, it doesn’t mean anything ‘cause their opinions don’t matter. They don’t know. They haven’t been through what I’ve been through. They’re not the Slayer. I am. Sometimes I feel… (sighs) this is awful — I feel like I’m better than them. Superior.
Holden: Until you can’t win. And I thought I was diabolical — or, at least I plan to be. You do have a superiority complex. And you’ve got an inferiority complex about it.

Because that’s me. I feel like I’m apart from most. That what I’ve been through, what I’m going through… everything I’ve been and done… puts me on a different plane from other people. That going through mind altering constant pain while being told I’m just weak… that fighting tooth and nail to be “like everyone else” only to be treated like less… that championing emotional openness and human compassion only to be rejected by romantic pursuits and constantly called a homosexual… that everything I’ve gone through sets me apart from people. That, in some ways, I’m better than them because of the many ways I’ve struggled or fought my whole life. THEN I remember that my parents never actually did kick me out of the house (though, I thought for sure Dad would after the whole Gay thing). I remember that I always had two parents who loved me, in their own way. I remember that we never had to struggle for money or security or shelter. I remember all the ways I’m blessed and then I feel inferior to others for being so wrapped up in my own shit as to have ever felt that I could be better. I remember all the ways I’ve been given a leg up and squandered it and it continues to make me feel “apart” but not in a better way… in a way that says Inferior. So yeah… at all times I feel like I’m apart from this world… and then I struggle with what that means. SO… is that pride? I’m not sure.

NoJoMo 26 Prompt 2: Three things you would do if you weren’t afraid of the consequences

NoJoMo 26 Answer 2: Another very well worded one! Because it is important to draw your attention to the fact that it does NOT say “if there weren’t any consequences” it says specifically if you weren’t afraid of the consequences. Therefore, the consequences STILL HAPPEN, you are just able to weather them. Which honestly makes a HUGE difference in the experience. For example… NO consequences… I might say something like “cheat on my wife.” However YES Consequences but able to weather them regardless… I’m not likely to say that.

So… IF I WAS NOT AFRAID OF THE CONSEQUENCES
(1) Build a Liberal Sanctuary in my town. Literally make it a place for District 4 Democrats to strategize and fund raise and work towards ending Steve King’s career. While simultaneously doing better for child care, education, health, etcetera. I’d call the center “A Village” and the sign indicating the business would say “It takes A Village”
(2) I would start a passionate radio show to discuss Nerd Interests, Political Controversies, and Local Engagement. It would be 2 to 3 hours every day with specific days labeled for specific topics (to help discover what people want to hear). Like MON: Film & TV, TUE: Local Engagement in Politics, WED: Comic Books & Video Games, THUR: Political Controversies, FRI: Local Engagement in Community Events
(3) I would open The Bronze. I say this for every “If money were unlimited” or whatever but it is true. If I could know that I’d be okay succeed or fail; I’d open this damned place. Bar/Performance Venue/Dance Club/Coffee House/Arcade/Comic Book Shop. “Your one stop shop for fun!” 18 and older entertainment venue.