It's back, but where will I put them all? in Walking with God, Courting, and Talking to Jay

There it is again.
The sadness.

It creeps
It snakes
Claws it’s way gently up my spine.

The pills dont keep it away anymore.

But what happened?
Why should I feel sad?

Is this my emotion?
Or someone elses?
Is such a thing possible?
Why?

Its sunck itself in.
Made a bleeding putrecent burrow
Somewhere inside.

Go away sadness.
I have no reason to cry today.
And no one to cry for.
Nothing to mourn.
So why?
Why wont it leave?

Its claws are hooks,
Sunk in.
Doesnt hurt anynore.
Just an irritation.
Tempted to smoke weed.
Just a bit.
Ride a temporary high until it goes away.
That’s not very healthy is it?

So here I sit.
Wishing Jay were here,
So I’d have a reason to cry.
Just for you.
Is it beautiful?
Take them.
You can have all my tears.
Make yourself a pool.

You can swim in them,
Bask as your skin tingles from the salt.
Your smile,
Extacy.
I’ll watch you.
Delighting in my sadness.
Why not?
I have no use for it.

To watch your happiness,
It’s all worth it.
Please?
Come closer.
Accept my gifts,
When they come,
Drink in my sadness,
How does it taste
On your lips?

Then I’d feel better.
But right now,
I’m sick.