Pain in Random Public Stuffs

Its 0119 as I begin this entry. “Hitman” is on the TV as I am going on day two of high-level pain. I try to keep my pain to myself as its a topic people throw around so easy. I understand that people have their own types of physical pain, their own levels of tolerance.

But it makes me wonder when its a “10” every single day.

I haven’t had a pain-free day in forever. I don’t remember what its like to have a pain-free day. Because of this, my baseline starts at 2. That is when I am mildly sore, the peaks are barely noticeable. I am able to move decently and focus.

The past couple days, I have been hovering at a 7.5, with intermittent spikes of a 9. I haven’t slept more than five hours total in 48 hours. Ish. I can’t remember.

When I hit those 9s…its like hot barbed wire is being scraped over every single nerve. It takes my breath away. It makes me puke. I makes me cry. I have a relatively high pain tolerance, so when I hit a 9, its worse than childbirth.

Speaking of…I think its funny when people tell me, “Think about the pain of having your kids!”

THAT pain ends. Once baby and afterbirth is out, its just like period cramps for a little bit.

This pain…because of my deteriorating discs and osteoarthritis…its never going to end. Some days are so horrible that I want to die just so I can get some relief.

I am hoping to find a comfy spot so I can finally sleep.

I forgot why I was even writing this entry.