oh fuk. anxiety and tooth problems. in 2018

so ok. overall i’ve been doing better, w/ my tooth um. health the health of my teeth. by well over the past wk. or so [well except for last night and tonight] i’ve actually been flossing. at where i live. at ya know. the lady’s house. yeah so in the like. past 1 - 2 yrs. people/i really have noticed a difference.
so then what’s the problem? if i’m good then. there’s no problem. no except that there is a problem bc. um of tom.
also. so over the summer. [and i’m not proud of this btw.]. i um. i wasn’t brushing, for 2 wks. but during that time i’d use q tips to well brush. once i was done w/ them i didn’t re-use tge them. cause there was blood on them. [i know ew.]. which. only leads to inf*ction. [well guess what’s happened. yeah that.]. no but my point being. that’s why, i didn’t re-use them. they’re in a empty mouthwash container in one of my drawers.
also. well i’m a perfectionist. even if to me/others things are good. there’s still room for improvement. i don’t want them to be good i want them to be great. bc good. isn’t ‘good enough’. like no i can’t just be good i have to be. more then that. apparently it’s a virgo thing. no i’m not a virgo but i’m super into astrology and i could have been. i could have been. a virgo that is.
but. i’ve stopped using qtips. bc. the lady only has like 6 in the bathroom. instead of a whole box and that’s where i was getting them from. um. and i can’t. ask her to buy more. and i don’t mean physically i can’t cause. obviously. i mean no. my anxiety stops me from doing so. i can’t have her say anything. about that. i can’t have her be like. ‘oh. ok. she needs qtips’ well to me it’s not that simple. i can’t have any changes. even if i were to buy my own. to me it’s not ‘oh she has q tips’ it’s ‘oh there’s something new in her cabinet in the bathroom. we should say something about this’.
so basically. if i had them and didn’t have anxiety. i wouldn’t. be in this situation. [but........if you’re good w/ the teeth thing then........what’s the problem?] no and believe me i don’t quite understand it myself. i. i don’t really know how to explain it other then that.