today's thoughts mostly in Second 1st

Just spent a good portion of my day talking to Kerri. She passed out at work a couple weeks ago and hasn’t been released back to work by her HR department yet. She’s finding it hard to be home doing nothing.... so today she slept till she couldn’t sleep anymore. Did house chores and was over here at about noon. Pretty much I’ve spent the last 5 hours telling her about our worst issues. About Jake.... and why even though it’s only been a month I can’t talk to him anymore :(.... I seriously think if I went to MI this next year i’d want to go without Rocky.... and if I did that in my current state ..... and Jake was a factor.... can’t say what would happen.... so Jake needs to not be a factor.

he sent me a message via FB a couple days ago that just says “I miss you”. I haven’t even opened it so it doesn’t say I saw it.

I don’t know what to tell him. He was getting super attached and I just wanted to feel less alone. He wanted to be lovey and I just wanted someone to share my day with. “check out my nails” “Got that new Disturbed album” .... just normal stuff.... not “You are like the sun” ........Not sure how to tell him he’s too much..

I made cream of onion soup Monday that turned out okay.... and a mock apple pie that’s pretty good.... made stuffing.... that was a process because I made bread first (3hr 30min) then cooled, cut and dried it in the oven (45 mins) added the other things and baked it as per a recipe minus things I didn’t want.... or that aren’t invited to Thanksgiving (ie: mushrooms, moms allergic....20 mins) then added that to prepped chicken lunches for this weekend. It’s not bad.... needs celery I think.... Rocky doesn’t like celery.

I guess the week went okay. I told Kerri and Joseph about the not conversation we had..... Joseph is enough like Rocky that he felt the need to defend the quietness Rocky had. He said that when that happens they are just stunned and afraid that anything they say will just escalate the situation. I told him not saying anything doesn’t help..... and not saying anything about it ever. Write a damn email if you have to we should get a reaction of some kind. If things don’t change any how will we know we are even heard. I felt the need to argue my point for US because when I was making the points to them she kept making the “YOU SEE IT’S A THING” face at Joseph meaning these are the same points she holds.

As Rocky was getting ready for work we almost went into a full blown thing.... talking about Sammy..... with Kerri here.... if she hadn’t been here we would probably have been yelling at each other. It was about him not working.... him staying home because he doesn’t have money....but he’s not asking us for any so I see no issues with spending more time at school if he wants to. .... Yes he needs to put in more applications. No disagreements there.... but these are his lessons to learn not Rocky’s ....

I want to be asleep in an hour.... guess it’s time to watch an episode of The 100 and hope for the best.