Dying to Live in Riverdale

Time.
Its never really mine.
I am always hustling.
Desperate for so little.
Whats the fucking point?
They say wait.
For fucking what?
Seems like Ive been waiting all my life.
And all ive been getting is fucking strife.
Keeps piling on top of eachother.
The traumas. The dramas.
More shit I gotta recover from.
Than I crash.
Im useless.
No pleasure.
No pain.
No gain.
Everything stays the same.
Dont like myself.
Never mind love.
No peace.
The unrest will no cease.
Rather be deceased.
But than I think of my cats.
I love them so.
But feel like a failure.
Is it really enough?
I dont need to be tough.
I dont care to be a big success.
I just want to be happy.
Not needing to obsess.
Feel no guilt.
No shame.
Not scared.
No more fear.
Just want to be ok with being here.
But i struggle.
To know if thatll even happen for me.