Briefly, Lets Discuss in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

I received a report from a Department of Human Services worker about children in jeopardy. In my role as a Juvenile Attorney, I reviewed the report and filed it as is my job. In the Juvenile System, a report does not meet any action. A report is referred to us (for evidentiary reasons) and a follow up DHS worker. That worker will review and is given the choice to file an Affidavit Requesting Intervention. When I receive the Affidavit (being a document with sworn testimony), then I file a Petition to Open a Child in Need of Assistance case.

The way I handle criminal files? Complaint is made to Law Enforcement, Law Enforcement calls me or files the charge, I review the complaint and the charges filed… if I agree, I file an indictment, if I disagree, I dismiss the case, and if I think the officer missed something, I’ll file an amended indictment. However, phone calls to me do not result in criminal charges. Letters, mail, or non-law enforcement reports that come to me do not result in criminal charges.

But boy, I’m telling you… some days.

DHS report indicates that while taking care of three children, a couple gets into a heated verbal exchange. All the children, being interviewed separately, claim that they heard shouting which frightened them. The eldest child bravely went to see what was going on. The eldest child describes seeing her mom’s fiancee screaming. The eldest child describes seeing her mother try to speak, only for the man to forcefully put his hand over her mouth. This caused bleeding.

The mother is interviewed and confirms what the child saw, saying “He doesn’t like when I speak to other people or use social media.”

If an adult witness or victim is not going to be called… if DHS does not report this to the police… I can’t really act. Because I’m not personally filing a criminal charge based on children witnesses that I didn’t even personally speak with.

BUT… I still did some digging. Because I always do. I may not be some vigilante in the night protecting the streets of Gotham but I do like to know a little bit more than names.

I’m not a mind reader but I can pretty much guarantee the discussion if one was had.

MALE: Cro-magnon looking guy. Terrible eyebrows (thick and connected) and more overweight than I am. Bigger guy.

FEMALE: Native American Princess whose posts and speech sound a bit like a “hood rat.”

So… the guy is more testosterone and pizza bites; the girl is attitude and hotness. He goes off the handle when she speaks to other people or uses social media because he’s “just so afraid he’ll lose her.”

And that’s what I’d like to talk about today.

I will admit, I too was once the kind of guy that thought “I’m afraid of losing her, so I need to do something.” But here’s the tricky thing that a lot of Men’s Men aren’t going to like. It’s a secret so you may have to lean in close to your screen:
Women have autonomy and can and should be held responsible for their actions and choices.
In other words… if you are afraid of losing her, don’t try to CONTROL HER try to show her why SHE SHOULD ALWAYS CHOOSE YOU. If you think “My girl’s trash and she will ride any man that says hello to her.” Then the intelligent, mature, self-respecting thing to do is to leave her trashy ass. If you’re convinced she is going to run around on you, brush her off. And if you just love her so much that you can’t do that? Then you are making a choice to be in a relationship with someone that you think will not be faithful. And that is on YOU to come to terms with, not her. If you know she won’t be faithful, you need to learn how to get over it. Because if you entered into the relationship with that mindset or stayed in the relationship with that mindset… it is on you.
Now… she isn’t blameless. Women don’t be cheating on your men, Men don’t be cheating on your women. If you are in a committed monogamous relationship, you owe it to each other to stay faithful. If you want to run around on your man/girl, then you should leave them first. I mean… this stuff is simple.

But yeah… “afraid of losing her” is never an acceptable reason to start controlling your girl or abusing your girl. Because if you are doing THOSE actions, no matter what you tell yourself, those actions don’t come from LOVE. Those actions come from FEAR, ANGER, JEALOUSY, HATE. Those aren’t “I love you” emotions. And if you’re sitting there saying “Yes they are!” They aren’t. Those are twisted love emotions which isn’t healthy. Love is not possessive, Love is not controlling, love is not jealous, love is not hateful or fearful. Love is patient, Love is kind, it doesn’t envy, it doesn’t boast, it isn’t proud. It doesn’t dishonor other people, it isn’t self-seeking, it is NOT easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love doesn’t delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It always perseveres.

Just to cap off the blatantly ripping off of religious text:
If I can speak all languages and convince all nations, but do not have love- I am a noisemaker. If I have the gift of strength and can win many battles- but use it without love, I am a brute. If I have the wisdom of Solomon but a heart without love- I can only be an evil man.

Love, in any form, is not controlling or abusive or cruel. Love, in every form, is supportive and trusting and kind. If you are a warrior, you are to fight FOR those you love, not WITH. If you are a leader, you are to lead wisely FOR those you love, not control them.