NSFW To The Extreme! in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

FOUND IT! Ladies and Gentleman… the following entry was written while extremely inebriated. It is VERY NSFW for content purposes. You’ve been warned. Enjoy drunken ramblings ala me.

To the extreme I rock the mic like a vandal
Light up the stage and wax a chump like a candle
(I once did this entire song from memory for a stage performance. The whole thing was bloody SUPER tongue and cheek because it was a skit called 80s Movie Montage. The joke was… the performer would go on stage, perform, and then the title of the particular skit would be shown. For instance, our most well known homosexual performer came out… did a Mime of putting on makeup… did a fabulous ‘gay club dance’… and then the skit title would be appear on Left Stage as ‘Pretty in Pink’. I’m a HUGE John Cusack fan (shit, if I’d gone pro in acting, he and I would be fighting for the same parts) and so I decided to do a full OVERLY INTENSE impression of Vanilla Ice singing “ice ice baby”.... the title of that skit? “Better Off Dead.” Yeah… dark. But not QUITE as bad as a more recent class. In our troupe, if a skit is liked well enough, it can be “rebooted” without seeking permission. A few years later… the “80s Movie Montage” was rebooted… and the “Better Off Dead” skit was.... Michael Jackson. Yeah. Not sure how to feel about that one in retrospect.)

Well FUCK! Talk about computer problems!!! When it takes a fucking two hour (wow my computer is fucked, I typed in wait and my computer auto corrected to-) weight for YouTube to “safely load” to play fucking Nine Seconds of Vanilla Ice? The new house can’t come soon enough. I don’t know why my laptops and my internet are so fucked up… but I can tell you with confidence my Wife is so frugal that if I say “Fuck, I need to replace these obstinate bastards” she would move Heaven and Hell to fix the problem to avoid spending an “unnecessary” $300. And frankly… GOOD ON HER! I’d rather fix what is broken as opposed to simply replace things. But that may be the biggest “symbolic” difference between us. She’d spend 72 hours to save 5 cents; I’d pay $72 to save 5 seconds. But that in itself goes not only to who we are as people but also who we are as professionals. Even in her current job.... wife could spend 3 extra hours cleaning something and she would be paid more and commended for going “the extra mile.” In my current job… I could (have) spent 3 extra hours doing something and there is no additional PAY but there is more than likely additional long term benefit! SO.... Wife is skilled at SAVING money and I am skilled at.... I don’t know.... using my brain and mouth parts to MAKE money, I guess.

The short explanation of above that is absolutely true for my relationship is:
My wife would spend an entire week making a costume for a Charity Ball she didn’t even want to go to.
I would spend an entire week’s salary of donation money to a Charity Ball and not go.
The reason that is “dichotomous” or “problematic”? Of the two of us… Wife would HATE to go to the charity thing and I would LOVE to go to the charity thing… but simultaneously, if the charity thing were mandatory… Wife would go out of her way, bitching the whole time, to MAKE something awesome because “I don’t want to go, so I’m not spending money.” Whereas if the Charity thing were mandatory I would go out of my way, bitching the whole time, to BUY something awesome for the Charity because “If I don’t want to do this, I’d rather spend money than time!”

It is an interesting and potentially unique issue. If it is not unique feel free to leave derisive comments below!

There. Now that I’ve parsed through any ruffians who only clicked on this entry because it said NSFW, I will go into the gross (seriously.... not a sexy entry.... a gross entry.... so be warned) bits of the entry I had intended to write!

Here is a disturbing confession but a true confession. I have been working myself past the point of reason this week. I had a Jury Trial based on the idea of “protecting the weak” so… yeah. I sacrificed myself for that case. I’m Clark Kent, dammit, what else am I supposed to do?! Part of sacrifice is “no time for leisure”…in my case (agreed, this is fucked up) leisure includes FOOD, SLEEP, and BATHING. So… the last time I actually cleaned myself was either Saturday Morning or Friday Morning. BUT.... I worked hard. Leave me alone.

ANYWAY.... fucking ECSTATIC that I don’t have to do Jury Trial tomorrow… tonight, I was drinking. AND… as happens at times for men… my balls needed a scratch. I itched ‘em and, as sometimes happens, GROSSLY decided to smell me fingers. Fuck you for judging. Disgusting Smell Opportunities can sometimes be the most important medical self-diagnosis tests there are. I mean… self-smell has a long POSITIVE history, so fuck off.

ANYWAY… I scratched me nuts then smelled me fingers. I don’t know why or how.... but finger smell? Pussy. Vagina. Female Pleasure Hole. Honestly don’t know why. MAYBE… not saying certainly but MAYBE… it could be that the three Vaginas I’ve ever smelled were all “unkempt/unshowered”…I can’t rule that out. I CAN rule out (for those suspicious) I have not had sex in MANY weeks.... so my nether regions smelling of pussy literally could not be because of legitimate vaginal contact.

But… the smell of pussy in my nose? Made me introspective. THERE is ANOTHER reason why it sucks to be a “VIRGINAL INTROSPECTIVE DORK” because instead of thinking “huh, pussy smell” there is SO MUCH MORE TO IT! Seriously… FFS… I wish I were your average Broseph or Chad who didn’t give a shit. But nope. I can’t do that. I’m me. I’m the guy who as an elementary school student contemplated “diplomatic responses to China’s economic aggression.” Yeah… fucked from birth, what can I say?

So… I scratch me nuts. Smell me fingers. Smell pussy-like smells. And instantly think:

“You know it is a fucking shame that Wife won’t let me eat her pussy. Granted, I might be shit at it, but I’ve never done it before. I wouldn’t mind. Fuck, I’d love doing it if it caused her to make my favorite sounds. And that’s the heart of the issue, innit? I would go out of my way to satisfy literally ANY sexual desire of hers because.... well… fuck yeah! AND I’d got out of me way to satisfy literally ANY emotional desire of hers..... because she is my Wife. She is whom I have chosen to be the chalice of my love, my desire, my future. BUT.... as she says at every opportunity.... she sees no “practical purpose” for Romance or Passion.

SO imagine that with me:

I want to devour my wife’s pussy.
I want to bring my Wife to the very heights of sexual ecstasy.
I want to do whatever turns her on and makes her SCREAM with orgasm.!

My Wife tells me:
Oral sex is dirty and disgusting and should never happen under any circumstances
I’m not as into sex as I once was..... yeah, maybe in my youth I’d have multiple orgasms but these days I’m okay with one or two a year.
Why do you obsess about the sex issue? I thought we were going to focus on or emotions and your lack of taking care of the house to my standards?

And I understand. This entry sounds like a convincing case to leave my wife. In fact, some parts of me appreciate that others might think that. But, as a Counter, I do love my wife. Not just because she is physically attractive (though… obviously… that helps) but because my relationship with Wife is so strongly supported by our mutual interests! She is my Wife. She is my Partner. She is my Companion. I wouldn’t leave her behind. But the assessment at some point falls to her. Do we continue to have arguments? Do we continue to have an absolutely sexless marriage? Or do we respond to those painful failures in our relationship?

I suppose only time will tell.

Meanwhile, I will be wishing that I had a super attractive hall-pass approved fuck buddy who actively encouraged and/or wanted my erection.