i told her like I'd tell you in Second 1st

Text messages as with Destiny:

Destiny: GRRRR. So you apparently were OK to drive home and back to Walmart? Still feeling okay?

Me: Nope .... I mean God’s gt me even though I’m angry I’m dizzy af and that’s really the only way that was possible. I do stupid stuff when I’m angry........ also my husband is a shitty dick

her: Gotcha

Me: So I’m just broken.... we are doing running now but I don’t want to be here..... After he put the stairs on he asked if I needed anything at the store aside from what is on the list on the fridge. i told him Nope..... I had started crying and he said “I thought your appointment was at 10:30.”Immediate yes no argument but my second was this “No, you didn’t. It’s been on the fridge for more than a week. I also reminded you last night.” He didn’t go to the store.... I heard him in the kitchen. So after balling for a moment I went out to talk to him. He was putting dishes up.

Her: So he made you do running with him? So he was putting up the dishes waiting for you to go?

Me: I came out and told him Ït’s not that you didn’t go with me, that stands on it’s own. It’s that you didn’t say you were glad I was okay, that you actually said you were more worried about a hammer, that you let me got to Walmart, that you have yet to Thank me for getting that and you have yet to ask me if I’m okay. I don’t know how I keep giving a fuck about people who don’t give a fuck about me”He had been putting dishes in the wrong places and putting the away wet.... so i told him I’d go with him so he’d stop doing that.

Her: Awww I’m sorry

Me: I asked “do I not take care of you?”He affirmed that I did and I said then how did this happen....

her: wow

Me: Yeah, part I’m a bitch part he’s a shitty dick
Her: totally understandable

While we were getting a bit of groceries and the handles for 2 interior doors he tried to hug me more than once. .... I told him I was still mad each time ..... I’m still hurt.... I’m a bit broken.... and then… I’m not.....

I had stood there crying saying my piece. I asked him if he could blame me for being upset. He said no..... I went from upset to numb.... that’s how I was able to go out and get things.... no feeling… he had asked me at some point while we were out how I felt about something..... I don’t remember what.... and I responded “I don’t feel anything about anything right now”

i planned on this entry when we got back.... then finish my diamond Painting section I had started this morning… then hopefully to bed before company comes..... I don’t plan on trying to talk to him anymore today.... probably won’t say 2 words to him till at least Saturday because of work..... I don’t care.... I don’t even want to look at him ....