I Should Be Happy in Walking with God, Courting, and Talking to Jay

I should be happy. I’m seeing Ozzy and Stone Sour. I should be thrilled. But all I can think about is how great it would be if you were here, Jay. How much fun wed have jamming out. Your girl would be on one side with your bestie gal pal and on my other side, your sister and her boyfriend and wed all be having a blast. But you arent here by my side. And I feel alone.

I should be happy. I’m here with a beautiful lesbian. She fell away and I dont know how to being her home. I should be happy to be here for her first concert, but all I can see in my mind is the absence of you. And it feels like you died, and Im alone in this world. And all I want is to be standing next to you and your electric smile. I’d feel strong, because you are strong.

But you arent here. And I miss you, and I cant cry because she would think I’m not having fun. But I just want to go home to my roommates and my son and sit in the tub and cry, because you are gone. And I miss you, and I need you. Will God ever bring you back to me? I miss you so much.