Diary in 2018

Over the weekend (last weekend, I forgot I started this entry) we went to a wedding in the city. It was fun I guess, seeing all of my family… I wish I could’ve gotten more drunk though. However driving home the next day would be a real bitch hung over.

We got home, Chris had a stomachache so he went right to the bathroom While I Emptied the truck. I got all of the laundry done, cleaned up everything, unpacked, but everything away… I basically did everything That comes with coming home from a mini vacation. I then asked him to do one of two things and lost his mind on Me, saying that he has to do everything all the time…

Does he honestly think that he does everything? I really honest to God believe that he does think that he does so much around here, when really he does next to fuck all. When it comes to the house the kids the groceries yada yada yada, it’s all me. I’m the one getting them dressed in the morning I’m the one getting Their lunch is made, their hairbrush, getting them babies, driving them to their billion dance classes, cleaning the house, Dusting, sweeping, mopping, painting, dishes, garbage, cooking…

It’s all me!!! Even as far as organizing their school clothes, their winter clothes, buying their boots and shoes figuring out shoe sizes planning birthday parties, getting them to other kids birthday parties, buying gifts for the other kids birthday parties… You know all the mom shit that’s on me. He goes to work, pays the mortgage and insurance and vehicle payments… And believes wholeheartedly that he is the king of the world. I think he looks at me as less of a person he is, because he’s the one that works full-time and I only work 9 to 3. I get paid minimum-wage as well. And I’m not paying for the actual structure of the house. I pay cell phones and Internet Xbox live and Netflix and for every fucking dance class which is well over $2000, well well well over. I wish I could just go to work and come Home and happy all I do… That would be I contribute as a homeowner spouse and parent.

If I ask him to pick up a kid or bring the kids somewhere, sometimes it’s practically the end of the world. Not all the time… But I do believe that in his head every time he has to do something he logs it away for later.

So needless to say this week has been pretty rough. I thought I had a heart attack the other night, so badly that I went to the hospital the next day and ended up getting bloodwork and an ECG done. I guess my blood pressure is bottoming out, I might be a little anemic, and my heart rate is all over the place. So that’s fun.

I have no one in my real life Who I can talk to you, confiding… So this place yesterday where I would just write what was going on daily… But now I feel like I am turning it right back into why I started this, as a diary… I need to get my thoughts out. I used to write all the time, on paper… It was made me feel a lot better explaining my feelings even if it was just a piece of paper. Seems I can’t tell anybody else including Chris because anytime I try to bring anything up somehow he manages to trump it with something he’s dealing with. He’s the worst listener… But I always listen to him.

So, if you don’t want to listen to someone spell their guts and heart and everything I have into some unorganized, missed matched, Crappily written, Open diary… Then you best Unfollow now lol

Kristen <3