Briefly in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Maybe my “stop writing” will just become really small quick entries instead of what I’d written before.

If you or someone you know uses methamphetamine; please seek help. I just had to file because a baby born at the end of August tested positive for Methamphetamine. Out of the womb. How screwed is that poor baby before they even got a chance?

I whittled my trial schedule down… a bit. I have 5 jury trials next week and 7 Jury trials the week after. Of course… 24 Jury Trials per year limit… only 6 available trial dates left… that just isn’t going to happen. SO, I tried to invent the BEST deals I could think of. You have a 12 count indictment including 2 felonies? Hows about I get rid of both felonies, and two misdemeanors, and you plead to the remaining 8 charges? Or you, sir! You’ve got four violent charges? Hows about I change that to 1 violent charge and 3 slaps on the wrist? All offers I’ve made… NO responses back yet. Because SOME Defendants see “Offering a plea” as “They’ve got nothing!” When in truth, I probably have enough to bury you. I have enough to bury you, build a sandcastle around your head, staff that sandcastle with terracotta warriors, and create an opposing army to threaten the You/Castle/Warriors I just built. I’m offering a plea because GET OFF MY DOCKET!

House is getting inspected tomorrow. Wife may make it up to check in on it. I’ll be in hearings and getting interviewed for the IF Paper. I assume it will be a regular “Why are you in THIS County? How long have you been practicing? What should the community know about you? etc” kind of interview. But seriously, if the reporter starts getting punty, I’ll walk and leave him with no story. Unrelated: I’m going to be going back to WDM tonight as I left somethings behind last weekend and I want to try to help Wife with some packing.

Last paragraph then back to the rat race.
I’m still behind in Prosebox reading. Trying to catch up. Of course, trying to catch up plus my schedule and all? I’m still 2 pages behind. But that means, actually, that I’m only 2 days behind on any of you. I haven’t been noting as I would normally but hopefully that is okay. Apparently, I have quite a few “lurkers” here myself so I don’t expect a lot of guff for being semi-lurker-ish for a temporary period. But on that note, reading many of you has left me with an important and self-reflective question: Will I ever be satisfied in my sex life? NOW this isn’t me saying “Shit, shouldn’t have bought the house with Wife, etc etc” because this kind of question IS something I’ll be writing on my list of “Fears for Moving Back Together.” But it is a sincere question. Spontaneous blow jobs, passionate sexual escapades, romantic dinners… some of you have experiences I always imagined I’d have but… never have. And I genuinely wonder if I’ll be able to get over not having them. Especially because I am confident that I would not have had them even if I weren’t married. Honestly. Consider my limited experience. Emotionally manipulated in disgusting ways by my first girlfriend. Cheated on by my second girlfriend. Rejected for not “being dangerous enough” by my third girlfriend. Broken up with after five days because I “told someone we were dating” by my fourth “girlfriend.” Broken up with by the greatest girl I’ve ever known because “being around (me) was to depressing.” Fifth Girlfriend. Then of course… Sixth Girlfriend: tied me up and sexually assaulted me until I said we were dating, cheated on me in the first two months with a girl, emotionally abused me every day, tried to rape me then tried to stab me to death. Seventh “girlfriend” wouldn’t let me call her girlfriend because she and I couldn’t be a couple, but she sure liked making out with me. Eighth Girlfriend was mostly just… nothing.... my girlfriend because she liked how much I wanted her to be my girlfriend but really didn’t care herself or put anything into the relationship. THEN Wife. Not exactly the kind of road map that leads to whirlwind passionate romances or spontaneous wild sexual adventures. But just because I was never going to have those experiences, doesn’t mean that I don’t miss their potential (no matter how unlikely). That isn’t to make anyone feel bad and PLEASE DON’T CENSOR YOURSELF OR BLOCK ME. I love knowing that people are leading the kinds of lives I wish I could have. I love living vicariously through their stories and their experiences. I just… sometimes feel a wee bit of sad for a fleeting moment when the story is over and I return to my own world. Maybe I’ll never run across the fields of Ireland or stand on a busy street in Japan… maybe I’ll never have an experience where someone looks at me and says “I need you now!” before passionately fucking like the world is ending… maybe I’ll just be me… fighting for justice in a small Iowa County… living a mostly boring life… putting my energy towards my job, my marriage, my community, my family, and my friends. Doesn’t mean I’ll give up the dream. Doesn’t mean I won’t force someone to take some of my ashes to Ireland and Japan if I can’t get there in life. But… just… thoughts and feelings.

Last updated September 18, 2018