Going back to school. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my future and wanting to make some changes. I decided I’m going back to school in a month. I have a caseworker who is an absolute saint and has done everything she can to help me with things. She helped me make the decision to go back to school. She helped me apply and get accepted and did my FAFSA as well. This woman is truly my saving grace and I thank God for her every single day. She’s honestly my best support, my only support here.

It’s been a very busy week and I felt that I got no time with my kid at all. So my caseworker hooked me up with a garage to fix my car where I wouldn’t be charged. They came and got it on Tuesday and then I didn’t hear back from them so I went into panic mode. I called a thousand times, my caseworker called and after a couple of sleepless nights, I decided to call the cops. Maybe I jumped the gun doing that, but after what happened to me 5 years ago I wasn’t about to end up in the same spot again. Thankfully, the cop was able to reach someone and they came and got the car out for me.

It was just such a stressful week getting things done but finally, everything is done. Both cars are finally okay, I got my bed, my contacts and finally went through the baby clothes today and organized so my child can start sleeping in her crib. I bought it brand new several months ago and she has yet to sleep in it. I’m just so glad that I’m off today and tomorrow so I can spend time with her and get stuff done around the house. I have done so much and my house is finally the way I want it. I have gotten rid of so much crap either by giving it away or throwing it away so my house isn’t full of junk anymore.

I broke the news to my boss last night that I’m gonna be going down to 2 days a week, 10 hour shifts. I still want to work so I can make some money and get out some, but I’m looking forward to having more time at home with my baby and not having to go out so much when winter comes again. It’s not going to be easy because I will have homework but I am just so happy that I’ll finally be working towards something and be able to have an education. I wish that I would have gotten my degree when I was in school 3 years ago, but it was damn near impossible because I had to work so much. Now that i Don’t have a car payment, I won’t HAVE to work so much and it’s gonna be nice to start learning about new stuff.

My caseworker said that they are able to help me with books and everything because I won’t get my financial aid until 2 weeks after school starts. I know I’ll probably be buying a new laptop though because this one is probably not going to last too long doing homework and shit everyday. She said she’ll be able to help me figure out how much money I’ll need to barrow and my time management because my biggest concern is having enough time for my daughter everyday. I just don’t want to constantly worry about homework. She said for me to do it while baby is sleeping which it says online to allow 9 hours a week per class so I just hope I’ll be able to balance everything but I know other single moms who have done this same stuff and were successful so there’s no reason I can’t be too.

I’m grateful that I’m going to take this step to have more options for making a more livable wage and I’m hoping to someday buy a house. I know I don’t want to be stuck in this same hole forever and that’s why I’m doing something about it. I want to be able to do so much more for my kid and be able to get the fuck out of this town.

So the SD had his girlfriend message me last weekend saying that it’s not fair he pays CS and has her on his medical and he’s not allowed to see her. Saying how he hurt my feelings but it sounds like he really wants to be in her life blah blah blah, I simply wrote back and said one thing has nothing to do with the other, there’s 2 sides to every story and for her to stay the fuck out of it. IT NEVER HELPS WHEN OTHER PEOPLE GET INVOLVED!!! I think it’s bullshit that he’s NEVER been a Dad, regardless of how many chances he’s been given, but is also misleading people into believing it’s MY FAULT! HOW FUCKING NERVY!!!

I can say that i’m doing just fine. I just think it’s bullshit that it’s like he’s afraid that I may be forgetting about him so he’s gotta have people reach out to me to keep the drama fresh. I know that he’s incapable of being a parent and that’s fine. What’s not fine is the abuse and disrespect I take when he comes around. I haven’t seen him in 2 months and I don’t care to see him ever again. The last time he was here, he’s just mean and nasty for no fucking reason at all and I refuse to keep putting up with it!!