Down in the dumps in Torridaussity Two

33 and single and I struggle with wanting to find someone special while just trying to live my life and just let love happen. There are three guys in my life who I have left into my heart and 2 of them I probably shouldn't have and one is a very close friend who I would love for him to see that maybe we're just perfect for each other, but then again even I have my doubts.
I have the tendency to fall for the wrong people. M and A both live in the UK and my friend S lives in Germany, he and I met when he was working at a local ski resort with my roommate at the time. That was 8 years ago. I have been to see him twice in Europe and he has come here once to see me. He is younger and he lives in Germany which I would move there for love so that isn't an issue. The issue is do I feel we are perfect for each other because he is nice to me, cares about me, and compliments me. Because we have so much in common? Or do I feel we are perfect because he is more than just nice to me. M and I have had a twisted online relationship of friendship/more for 3 years now and he admits he loves me, but not like that. I distance myself from him and he keeps coming back, I know one day I will just have to delete him from my life because his caring and his not that kind of love let a small sliver of hope shine through the dark. A cut me out of his life for a short amount of time and he came back too, but mainly cause he thinks I am hot...okay that's what I think he thinks, he told me it's cause he missed me. I am not hot, so I guess he missed me. I know I deserve better than half assed compliments and half assed men. So I work hard and not letting those 3 suck me into not looking for the real thing. It's hard though and today I was really down in the dumps about it. Tomorrow is a new day and a new chance for love. Just needed to vent.