OD is gone in New Diary

Well, Open Diary is no more. I have been on that for fifteen or sixteen years. I used to spend hours reading people's diaries and many were pretty good writers. It is sad to see it end. I guess this will be my new home but it is definitely not like the old OD. Oh well, very few things last forever.

I had a fairly good evening last night. I spent the biggest part of it listening to Celtic Women on You Tube. I love this group. Their voices are angelic and they are so goddamned beautiful. I get so lonesome and depressed at night. But I listen to these ladies sing and they are so soothing. They are a perfect way to cure depression.

I've talked about suffering from major depression. I've talked about how my depression always gets worse during winter. It is not winter that is causing the depression. It is my thinking or rather irrational thinking that is causing the depression. To combat this I always try to remind myself of the good things in my life. First, I have a wonderful girlfriend. We have always been friends. This Valentines day will mark or 7th year as a couple. She is a very wonderful and very special lady who has made a positive difference in my life in so many countless ways. I will always, always love her.

Second, at this stage in my life I do not have to work or go out in the snow. I life in an apartment building where staff shovels snow while I stay nice and warm in my nice apartment. Third, I am able to get the meds that I need and all I have to pay is a small co payment. I have known people who couldn't afford their meds and I had one friend who died partly because she could not afford to get her meds. I am pretty damned lucky in this respect. Fourth I have a computer that keeps me connected to the outside world when I am stuck inside. I can download books and get lost in a good history book. I can go to Netflix and watch movies or tv shows. I can listen to wonderful music on You Tube. Fifth, other and depression and other mental health problems I an in good health. I do not take this for granted. I remind myself of all the good things in my life and this helps me get a much better outlook Life really is good.

11:30 am I have been doing a little reading this morning. I am still reading a book called Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by William L. Shirer. I am on an interesting chapter. This one is about different plots to kill Hitler, make a separate piece with either Stalin or the Western Allies. All through the life of the Third Reich there were two major groups that opposed Hitler. One group centered around the following individuals: Carl Friedrich Goerdeler, Ludwig Bock, Ulrich Hassel and Hans Gisevius. This group tried to conspire with various German field German generals to have Hitler killed. They made several attempts and tried to make contact with the Western Allies in hopes that they might get a favorable peace treaty with a non Nazi government. This group had a lot of plans but none of them ever succeeded or was carried out.

The second major group came to be known as the Kreisau Circle This was headed by two members of proud German families Count Helmuth James von Moltke and county Peter York von Wartenburg. It got its name from the estate of von Moltke Kreisau in Silesia This group hated Hitler and Nazism but did not support violence to get rid of the dictator. They knew that by 1943 Germany was losing the war and an allied victory would achieve their aims

1:00pm I was interrupted in my talk about German resistance movements during the Nazi era by my girlfriend. She came up and we smoked and played some cars. She was telling me that the head of the housing authority told her the parking lot is covered with ice and one of the maintenance men fell. I was going to take an old air bed out to the dumpster for her but George said it was unsafe and said to o it Monday. Then we had plans to go to Wal Mart today and stop at Subway. But it is so frigging cold we cancelled. Instead we had a nice game of 500 Rum and she won, as usual.

I am really trying to keep a positive attitude today. But this weather is really bad and it is starting to bother me. Also, I'm kind of morning the death of OD. When I kept a public diary I met a lot of nice people on that site. It was like a social outlet for me since I don't have too many friends in real life. Who would have ever thought that I would end up missing a stupid web site? But it really bothered me that OD is down for good even though there were a lot of problems with the site during the last few months of its life and it started to be a very big pain in the butt. I guess it filled a very big void in my life because it provided a nice social outlet. I miss really miss it.

I haven't been out of the apartment building since last Monday. I had a doctor's appointment at Health Ways. I saw my psych doctor. It went well. He asked how I was doing and I said this weather has gotten the best of me. I neglected to tell him about starting to smoke again. He gave me my prescriptions and then I stopped at Quick King to get some fried chicken. That was it. It has been too cold to sit outside and then the sidewalks are covered with ice so I couldn't get out for a walk. I am starting to feel like I am in lock down or something.

Well I'm going to try and read for a while then pay a visit to my girlfriend. Life is good Life is good. I keep telling myself Life is good. But I have had it with winter and I cannot wait until spring.