Pictures of beauty in the midst of winter in Daydreaming on the Porch

"Nature is painting for us, day after day, pictures of infinite beauty."

John Ruskin

''Give fools their gold, and knaves their power; Let fortune's bubbles rise and fall; Who sows a field, or trains a flower, Or plants a tree, is more than all.''

John Greenleaf Whittier (1807-1892), U.S. poet. A Song of Harvest.

Today at the gardens, I found a brief golden respite of an hour or so from the pressures and anxiety and constant demands of caregiving. Leaving the house where I hardly stopped for a minute to just be by myself, the garden with its long rays of late afternoon sunlight, lets me actually "be." Being there gave me time to daydream and think about life at those moments rather than being constantly distracted.

My mother, whose dementia slowly progresses month by month is aware and yet oblivious to the toll it is taking on me. Sometimes she will say, "You think I should be in a nursing home? Am I too much for you?" I tell her "No, of course not, Mom." But there are times when I feel this is a bit of a lie. Just when I have lost just about every bit of patience I have left from her incessant repeating of things, moments of lucidity appear and I realize how much of her self-awareness and memories of her past are left. Quite a lot.

Today I saw many small camellias in bloom, defying the bitter cold and ice of last week to do what camellia in winter do: show forth their astonishing beauty and color in the midst of the coldest days of the year. How amazing, how miraculous is that?