i'm literally dying - evan in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done. june 8, 2015 in Evan

‘ yeah so he called last night. he being evan. and we talked. not really about much. I told him my news. I told him how much weight i’d put on he was. er surprised. we didn’t go into detail about things. we haven’t in awhile. we haven’t had a good talk in. awhile.
anyway. yeah so he said that last night. and he has been cause he has hep. I actually don’t know a lot about hep other than it effects your liver and you’re tired a lot. he says it’ll take a few months to get in to see a dr. when I asked him about this once. [I guess i’m not one tot alk about not seeing drs.]. I don’t want him to like. not be here but i’m tired of waiting for something to happen. he’s been sleeping a lot. like a lot over 10 hrs.a day. the most I’ve slept is 12 and he sleeps more than that. I also think he’s depressed as in clinically. and he won’t do anything about it. [yeah again like I have room to talk about not doing things. no I blog about stuff. ya know so not like i’m sitting here in my room watching tv w/o any kindof outlet for which to express. myself]. the most he’ll do isdrink. which I don’t think helps. i’m not worried he’ll become an alcoholic. it’s the other thing. [if i’m being presumptious i’m sorry. as said I don’t know a lot about hep. oh but I know it’s spread through the blood and presumably people who have it can go on to lead perfectly er fulfilling or w/e word you want to use lives. oh and I also know why this is why people who were needle users shouldn’t give blood. I think. and a lot of people don’t know they have it].
it’s hard being friends w/ someone who’s sick. he knows this cause I was really sick at. one point in time.
idinno it’s just. it’s so hard to know he’s like this. and it’s his own damn fault he has it. I think of things that if I were there i’d do to help. from an ED standpoint. but I don’t know that they’d help him. like i’d give him milk. [interestingly enough milk will save people. or at least get them through the night. it depends on ifsomeone’s allowe dto have it. and other factors yes I realize. jus sayin from my own experience]. idinno. maybe if I knew more about it i’d. like. understand. even though it’s not my responsibility really. there was a time when. I was the plant and he was the gardener. and now it’s changed. except i’m not there to take care of him. even if someone doesn’t need that i’ll want to do it. i’‘m not good at just sitting there listening [actua;;y i’m not that great a listener. and my hearing’s not great either, so] I have to actually physically do something. and it’s more to do w/ me being uncomfortable. i’m too sweet for my own good sometimes. again and not for the last time. i’m really bad at doing nothing. which is why intimacy..........being stoned...........is so good for me.
I told him ihope he’s comfortable. cause that’s the reality. but see [and again if i’m wrong.........] here’s the thing which I just now realized. he’s choosing for it to be his reality. maybe he can’t er control it but he can manage it. I think. and I gethow damn hard it is todothat when you’re depressed. omygod. it’s not him exactly i’m frustrated w/. it’s the damn situation. of waiting for something that’ll happen anyway. and not knowing when. fuk esp. after last yr.............. i’m not patient at all and I wish I were. well the ironic thing about patience is we don’t want to wait for it. one of the reasons i’m so attached to him other than uh. the fact that we have a history. is he scares the hell out of me. which I won’t detail. [though I’ve already eluded to this in my blog and know what to do about it, so].
anyway. so enough of my rambling on about well me.

but yeah any info on hep would be great. which. was one of my main points here. thank you. [if it’s ok if iask]. ‘