I Feel A Rant Coming On in Coping

I am so tired of people telling me how I should feel or that I should be farther along in the grieving process then I am. Or for instance this evening I posted on Facebook that I dreaded Valentines Day tomorrow because it would be the first one in 29yrs that I would be alone and an aunt actually said " Well Mary you have 15 more years of memories then I have ". Hello???? Does that make it any better???Really??? It also means I had 15 ore years with my husband then you did yours which means I had 15 more years to become EVEN CLOSER which would make his death EVEN HARDER........ I'm just tired of people not realizing that I have spent the past 7 months surrounded by people and have not had the time to grieve like I should have. They all act like I should be so much farther along in this process then I am. I've been back in my own home for two weeks now and I'm just really starting to feel the loss of my husband. Sure, I missed him when I was with my sister and her family. I missed him a lot. But it's different now. Now I really do grieve for him. I find myself thinking of him all times of the day and night and I break into tears so easily. I miss him so very much. I can't even begin to explain it. We were married for a little over 28ys. He was my best friend, lover, cohort in pranks, caregiver when I was sick, confidante, and so much more. He was everything I ever wanted in a man. I have found only one person I can actually talk to about Elton and feel free to just actually talk abut anything and cry. That would be Eltons best friend and good friend to me Ronnie. Ronnie has known Elton for years, and known me since just before Elton and I married. I can be totally honest with him about what I'm feeling and don't have to worry that he is going to judge me for how I'm feeling. These past two weeks that I have been back home he's been a great listener an I'm thankful that he is there on those days that I feel there's no one who understands. This is the hardest thing I have been through in my life. Losing our house to the fire was nothing compared to this. I miss him so much. I just want to feel his arms around me one more time, his soft gentle kiss. I want to feel his body next to mine. I don't know if I can do this....