It's Not That Funny, Is It? in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

Last week was such a crazy, whirlwind of a week that I don’t even want to talk about it. It was filled with a lot of interesting things, and I spent nearly four days straight with Richard. It was interesting because apparently I wasn’t the only one who noticed the negative change in his behavior, I just was the loudest one about it.

We both noted that despite being with each other almost every moment for 4 days, we never got tired of each other. I mean, for me, it was a little exhausting but that’s just because that’s the longest I’ve spent in the presence of another person in years. I am usually alone 90% of the time.

It was exhausting, and there were actually some big incidents. For instance, I don’t think I’ll be going back to the local bar I was at for a while. Now I have to find another place to finish my novel (which I am almost done with, by the way).

I had gone there the night I got back from San Francisco, I’d only been back into town for like 2 hours and I wanted to work on my book before I had to go see Richard again the next morning. I said hello to everyone, and I even got to visit and everything, but it turned out that my laptop was dead, so I couldn’t do any writing.

So I went inside, and while I was in there, Gina, the waitress, handed me a napkin and said, “I found this on the floor”. On the napkin was a handwritten note, “Justin, if you would like your ID back it will cost you”. I just looked at it and said, “That’s super creepy” and then I went to the bar to ask Gina where she got it from. She just shrugged and said she found it on the ground near where I had been sitting.

I turned and asked Brandi, the bartender, if anyone had turned in my ID, she said no and asked why, so I handed her the napkin. She laughed and I told her that it was creepy. So I asked my friend Leilani about it, if she had seen my ID or whatever, and she flew into a rage. “It’s a Federal crime to withhold someone’s identification from them, you should write a note back telling them you’ll call the cops on them! And what does it mean it’ll cost you? That’s fucked up!”

Right at that moment, I was called onstage to sing, so I pulled out the note and said, “Whoever wrote this creepy note, it is a Federal crime to keep my ID, so if you just turn it in to the bartender by the end of this song, I won’t call the cops. Thank you!”

So I get back to my seat and am greeted by another note, “Justin, if you give me a blowjob today you’ll get your ID back Tuesday”

At that point, I stood up and asked to pay my tab. Brandi looked at me and said, “You’re leaving? Did you get your ID back?”

I said, “No, you know, I got this note back. If they want it that bad, they can keep it because I have 2 others, including one in my car right now!”

Then Brandi turned and handed me my ID. I just stood there kind of in shock. She’s laughing in my face, “It’s a prank! It’s funny!”

“Would it have been funny if I was a woman? If some woman was being told she had to trade a blowjob for her ID? You would’ve had bouncers all over the place looking around, but because I’m a guy you think it’s okay to sexually harass me?!” and I left.

I can’t believe it.

I have absolutely zero sense of humor when it comes to pranks. Literally zero. They are never funny. NEVER. Humor should never be degrading. It shouldn’t cause you joy to see someone in stress or fear. A state of panic is NOT a joke device. Especially if that someone has a history of anxiety, being bullied or abused. It’s not FUCKING FUNNY. EVER. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

“Learn to take a joke”.

“joke
jōk/Valider
noun
1. a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline. ‘she was in a mood to tell jokes’ synonyms: funny story, jest, witticism, quip”

“A thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter”.... not something that someone does. If you want to be funny, be smart, be honest, be real, be compassionate. Find the things that make us different and contrast them with the things that make us the same.

Humor should not be predatory.