Smoke in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

The sun is red…or red-brick orange, maybe? And it’s not even 3PM yet and it feels like dusk…it’s just so dark…and it’s so hot, almost 100 degrees or something, I haven’t even been outside because I am lucky enough to have air conditioning…I haven’t even been out skating in over a week because it’s just too fucking hot.

Smoke is hanging in the air…there’s ash on my car…everything is on fire.
All of it.

Some of my friends have had to evacuate…we haven’t had to yet, but the fires are moving this way, and they’re not putting them out very fast.

It’s the end of the fucking world.
It’s just going to be a slow death.
Cancer is slow.

…

Last night with Brittany was pretty intense…I mean, it was a good time for the most part, and it was good to see her…but at one point I was just like, “Look…I understand that you’re talking a lot about Eli right now because of what you just went through, and that’s okay…but it’s normal for you to talk about things that aren’t Eli like…20% of the time…and the other 80% is just Eli…and at this point, I’m not going to keep hanging out with you if that’s what it’s going to be like, because at this point I just don’t give that much of a fuck about him.”

And then she cried a lot…and I’m sure it was awesome for tourists, because we were sitting in this little garden amphitheater kind of thing that was directly overlooking all of the beach and so many people kept stopping for a photo-op, and she was just sitting there bawling, hahaha…oh my god, it was a scene, I’m sure.

But she basically was just apologizing and being like, “I know I have a problem, but this is just how my mind works, and I can’t control it…” and stuff like that…and I felt really bad for her so I gave her a hug and was like, “Yeah, I know how you feel…” Cuz I can’t control my brain most of the time either, so I get it…I really do get it.

I think by the end of the night we were good though…I made it pretty clear that I love her and I like spending time with her, I just had to set some boundaries.

Because, honestly…for the last eight years, all this dude has done is fuck other women and rub it in her face, and use her for a place to crash, or for a ride, or just straight up for money, and obviously for a ton of sex.

He’s taken advantage of her, and her trust. He’s abused her mentally and emotionally and he’s done a lot of very real damage…and it’s so fucked up and manipulative, that she still actually believes that she loves him.

Over the last 8 years he has taken other women as his girlfriend, still fucked Brittany, broken up with these women, still posted on instagram about how much he misses them…but he won’t post a single picture of Brittany ever, and gets mad at her if she posts a picture of him…he’s never been willing to make Brittany his girlfriend until just recently, and only on the condition that she stopped talking to me.

Just, seriously, fuck this dude.

I’m just done listening to her talk about him like he’s anything but a piece of shit.

that’s all.

…

Okay, I gotta get ready for study group.
We need to go and not finish this project tonight because we will never finish this project because we were being insane thinking this was a good idea.
A financial app?
Jesus.
This is so boring…
haha.

Love you.
I’ll talk to you soon.
-Dane