jekyll hyde gemini both *evan* in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done. april 21, 2014 in Evan

‘
yeah so he. evan I mean. makes [or he did when we were actually talking and he wasn’t distracted/spiking out] me feel cared about. like his queen. like he will literally stay by my side while I recover. like he won’t let me. well, not be here anymore.

like he’ll be there when i’m in over my head. when i’m bleeding. when I’ve had too much to drink [actually tomorrow tues. the 22nd it’ll be 2 months since I last had a drink].

who left his vitamins for me.

ya know. he makes me feel like i’m loved and cared about and I matter. [I mean I do but I don’t always feel that way].

he never blamed me for my drinking or got upset w/ me about it. or the sex abuse. or any of the other. abuse. he’s actually one of the 3 people offline who knows about the abuse. and I don’t mean the sex abuse. not even my ex knows.

he makes me feel like I can text him at 2 in the fukin morning. or call. I don’t have that w/ my other friends not even my close ones. [not that they wouldn’t be open to that].

I don’t know anyone. who would’ve done for me what he did last spring. and even if they would. they didn’t. he was the only one there that night.

when I wasn’t. here.

he’s as understanding as Pat. devoted loyal caring sweet.

compassionate. deep. yeah he’s a really good guy.

i’m completely honest w/ him. I don’t have that w/ my other friends. we don’t talk that in depth about my stuff.

but ya know at the same time.

he’s the guy. who I blame for not doing as much as he could’ve no wait he should’ve that night. I don’t even remember what he did do I was so fukin out of it.

he’s the guy. I was scared of even though he never threatened me.

he’s the guy. who doesn’t randomly call me. no i’m always the one calling him.

idinno. he’s both. he’s Jekyll & hyde. well ok which I knew back then I just ignored it. [of course he is he’s a Gemini. yes i’m into astrology]. ‘