valerie thing. from: nov. 7, 2017 in Mentoring

‘ tenacious people are fuking irritating.

tenacious people are really damn irritating. those people who are ‘no i won’t change for anyone.’. i know cause i am that way. well apparently so’s my mentor. there ya see how irritating it is? yes i do. it won’t have a whole lot of impact on me but yeah i do.

like. ok if a good friend of mine had cancer and didn’t like.go through chemo or w/e to um fix that. and i had cancer [i don’t and never have] then yes that would have an impact on me.

and actually. Pat didn’t have cancer it’s the drinking that did him in. and the anuerism [sp?].

yeah so end of oct./beg. of nov. i talked to my mentor about some of the things she was doing that were bothering me. [and there are a lot.]. and. i got the impression that she wasn’t going to change her ways. right but if she doesn’t then i won’t enjoy being around her. [well i don’t.enjoy being around her that’s my point.]. and since she’s getting paid and everything. then i should look forward to seeing her. [which again i don’t. in fact i look forward to not seeing her to be honest.]. if i told her this yes she’d understand but she probably still wouldn’t change. so to me there’d be no point in telling her that. [oh like how i change? like the way i do? no i know i know i guess i should talk though right?].

yeah when we were talking about it she went something like ‘it looks like you’re trying to change me’, or something. yeah what was your first clue? no really? good job figuring that out. only. ‘try’ isn’t a thing someone either does or they don’t and i’ve.obviously failed.

no she doesn’t bring up the things i do that bother her. no and she wouldn’t cause she’s too damn unflappable. to unreal. and maybe she should just to even things out. [although i wouldn’t like that. which was her point. which i would’ve come to by myself and so therefore don’t need to be told. but ya know. ya want to insult my intelligence.]. like i don’t want her to but it would make sense if she did.

she’s not obligated to be my mentor. except well she kindof is in a way. payment and financial. and appearances.

i’m circle talking here. i guess. idinno. see like i forget [and to me this sounds bad] that people aren’t objects in someone’s house/rm. if someone doesn’t like the way a rm. looks usually it’s ok if they move things around to make it better for them. yes exactly. i want to make it better for me. not for her. for me. [but then once i had that i’d be less annoyed which i don’t like. i know can’t have it both ways.]. i’m not a completely not respectful person like.all the time. but to me the way i want people to be is to just.when i bring up things like this just go along w/ it. just be like ‘oh ok. i’ll work on that’. [oh like how i am?]. otherwise there’s no point in bringing something up. cause then it’s a waste of time for me and i don’t like doing that.

well that - bringing it up to her - was pretty pointless.

sometimes. and particularly on mon. the 6th. [which. is today] i just want to like.tell her off. but 1 there’s a time and a place for that kindof thing [well there’s a place anyway] and an eatery isn’t it. and 2 there’s that thing of how is someone going to feel about having done that in 2 wks.? 2 months? 2 yrs.? kindof thing.

so yeah that whole thing was just a waste of my time. no point there. and part of the reason i want to tell her off.is so she’ll be bothered. so she will be real instead of this happy......robotic.thing. this was the exact issue i had w/ stephanie. ‘