try to see it my way do i have to keep talking till i can't go on. from: feb. 16, 2016 in Mentoring

btw. a bunch of the following entries i’ll be cross referencing. meaning. this is in the book 2016 but it’ll also. be in the book mentoring as it has to do w/ that. so. this is really more for my notes own. thing as are the rest of the following entries. ok.

‘ in the words of the beatles cover by heather nova.

um anyway. So yesterday while at Park Meadows i talked to valerie about some of the things that were bothering me about her. and i don’t do that w/ people. i wasn’t sure how it’d go but it went ok.it was uncomfortable for me and it was hard.which was what made it good. I didn’t want to come off like i was verbally attacking her [well ok i wasn’t going to] and i told her that. The things on the list weren’t specific to her which helped a bit. and i was aware she might not be willing to change those things. well i think she was more surprised i’d done that than anything. after that i.needed a bit of time. and i finally got it in the ladies’ room.
thing about me.is that I want people to change.not for them but for me. see I’m someone who always wants it her way. and again i won’t change but they have to. and telling me ‘well you can’t always get what you want’ doesn’t help. [so. don’t]. and yet what’s interesting is I say I want people to change for me and yet.i won’t change for anyone. A part of me yeah didn’t want to talk to her about that stuff. course then it would’ve kept on bothering me and not have been good for either of us. well yeah that’s the point. I don’t want to always be nice to people. it’s really hard being me sometimes. so i mean yeah.i kindof regret it.
i’m better w/ objects than i am people. yeah i’m not um i’m not exactly proud of that. cause you should be careful w/ objects. i mean i know we should be careful w/ people too but i don’t really feel that. it’s like.i’m more emotionally attached to things than i am people. things remind us of people. like pesto for instance referring to my last entry. ‘