the memories are my drinking game in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

and a timeline thing.

yeah so um. like I've written. I've been going through my entries. When I was 23 I was so. confident. that's back when I knew Michael. and Meagan.....and Rachel.......Brittany, Mary, Alex. from Oct. - April. we were close. he was being around him was tremendously helpful.

and then things didn't work out.

Oh that was the first time I tried drugs. well ok I smoked hookah. so you know it's not like I was shooting up.

I went on a few dates after April. some of the guys I really liked. they were nice. Kevin, Jeff, Jason. James A. for those of you who followed me on FOD.

and then there was the downtown guy incident. and then. I was sexually abused in August [again. the 1st time was when I was 17] though not by him. The guy and I were together from Aug. - Oct. I wasn't happy. I didn't see him and it took me awhile to realize that's all he wanted. So in Oct. I broke up w/ him.

Then I guess that yr I broke up w/ Jacob. in Feb. who'd broken up w/ me Nov. of 2010. we had an on again off again thing.

So between April and Aug. I was using again. this time nutmeg. [if you have any questions about this please go ahead and ask]. that's when I was the glitter queen. ala Cherie currie.

Um so. then that April my paternal grandfather passed.

In summer of 2011 my maternal grandmother passed.

Um so right. back to my point. So I was looking through my entries. which I really didn't want to do sober but I figured ok I'll power through. and then when I'm done I'll drink. [yeah that hasn't changed]. and w/ each memory it kinda hurts. esp. the one about downtown guy.

yeah it was a lot harder to do that sober than. um. not.

I really want some green apple. vodka. it's the one vodka i'm able to drink straight. yeah I like vodka. I like whiskey the most esp. SoCo. it's my fave drink.

I want some johnny walker and the comfort that it brings

that's whiskey. I. think. love that song. ['suitcase blues', rik emmet/triumph. I think that's the band]