NEW SKATE!!!!!!!!!! in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

Life has been super eventful lately. I don’t know if it’s good or not…but it’s totally different.

There’s been a lot of talk about moving to Oakland…like, I have been talking with one of my best friends in the world, and he lives up there, and he thinks it would be cool if I moved up there, and a lot of the tech industry jobs are up there…and now one of my best friends down here is going to be moving up there in January…and another one of my all time best friends lives in Pleasanton and that’s just like 40 minutes south of Oakland…so I would have three super awesome rad friends surrounding me all the time…I don’t know....I’m definitely entertaining the thought.

The 4th of July was a lot of fun. I went to Austin’s house and hung out with him and his family, the party was a lot more lowkey than I thought it was going to be, it was literally just his family…but we lit off fireworks and all of DTSA was being lit up so we had fireworks all around us in 360 panorama…that was pretty cool.

At the end of the night, Math Teacher was hitting me up and wanting to know if I wanted to come watch a movie…I was like, “I’m down to come over, but I have to warn you I’m pretty cross-faded right now” but she still seemed okay with it…every curve ball I throw at her she seems to be okay with…like, “Oh, you’re bi-polar and drink too much and live with your parents and you have a hard time getting and maintaining an erection because of the med cocktail that you’re on? No problem, I still think you’re cool and hot.”

The only problem is that I don’t think she’s as cool and hot as she thinks I am…which makes me feel like kind of a shit person, but I mean…I dunno…she’s cute, and the more I hang out with her the more she loosens up and the more I think she’s kind of cool…but I’m not like…smitten, you know what I mean? I don’t feel that DEEPER connection.

We ended up having sex…and that was cool I guess…I mean, it’s been a long time since I’ve done that, so it was definitely cool just on principle, but…I dunno…I’ve also got alarms going off in my head like “TOO CLOSE TOO CLOSE TOO CLOSE TOO CLOSE”

I don’t want to lead anyone on.

The good thing is that she left for Egypt yesterday and she’s going to be gone for like 17 days, so there’s going to be a little bit of distance to cool off a bit…I’ll probably see her again because, what else am I going to do? I’m still feeling it out…but like, if she were to ask me if I want to get serious I’d have to say “no” and then I’d feel like a terrible person…

What the fuck do I do? Just tell her straight up right now that I’m not feeling it?

One of the bartenders at work today told me that it took her a few years to finally become attracted to her husband, they were just friends for a long time and as she got to know him more and more he became more and more attractive…I just don’t feel like I have that kind of time.

I’m going to die soon…doesn’t anyone know that?

…

It’s 100 + degrees outside…and I’m sitting here like, “What the fuck are we all paying this premium for?” Like, isn’t the whole point of living in Southern California the great weather? What the fuck is this shit? I’m so pissed.

I just bought my new skateboard today…and I’m going to ride it…I don’t give a fuck, I’m going to go out there and hop on that thing and go to town, I don’t give a fuck how hot it is.

This is the first skate I’ve had in a long time and I’m super pumped on it, I’ve been longboarding for the last several years, but that’s it, no tricks or grinds or stairs or anything…and now I finally got it and it’s amazing. I love the art on it…and the kid who helped me set it up was so cool.

I’ve already scouted out a few spots, and I got some wax today so I’m going to be hitting some curbs and ledges…gotta practice by myself for a while before I hit the skate-parks…everyone thinks you can come back to it and immediately just go back to the parks, but it’s not like that at all…if you just show up people are going to wonder who the fuck you are, and if you’re not bringing anything to the table they’re going to get hostile.

It’s like that with all of the surf spots around here too…that’s why I haven’t bothered with buying a board or a wetsuit since I’ve been back…at the skate parks the kids will give you some shit and they’ll talk some shit, and they’ll try to run you off whatever they’re on…but the surf spots around here? They’ll straight up throw rocks at you…fuck that.

Anyway, I have some spots picked out already to practice on and I have some cool parks that I’m going to hit up…and I’m just going to bring a joint with me the first handful of times I hit the parks and invite some of the cool kids to come hit it with me and I’ll be fine.

…

Anyway…I’m going to go grab some sushi and then try busting out a few tricks in this terrible, god awful heat…wish me luck…I’m totally ready to get fucked up, I’m like, “I can break my arm and I’ll still be fine…I think.” I’m ready for it.

About a year ago I fell off my longboard while I was bombing a hill and I ended up landing flat on my back and it knocked the wind out of me and my first thought was “I’m too old for this shit.” But then I got up and started boarding back home and I realized I was fine…if anything it just kind of reminded me that I’m alive…I need a reminder that I’m alive.

And it’s not like I”m getting any younger…it’s now or never, time to get fucking crazy.

..

Anyway, I hope your 4th was amazing, and I hope today has been amazing for you.
Thanks, as always, for listening.
I love you forever.
And then some.
-Dane

Last updated July 07, 2018