Station of the new cross in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

I’m listening to The Coloring Book on repeat.
Glassjaw

“I can’t breathe without you…”

I woke up and went to work this morning…dragged myself there…I felt fine, I’m just so sick of it.

The woman I went on a date with last Wednesday just hit me up to ask me what I’m doing tonight, and I told her I was doing some homework and maybe going to go for a bike-ride…and she asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with her around 8 O’clock.

I told her I needed to grind on this homework, but she should hit me up after her volleyball game and see where I’m at, but the chances were unlikely.

I finished my homework last night though…

…I want to go to dinner with her, I think that sounds fun…but the reality of the situation is that I’m going to sit in my bed and drink Gin and listen to music and watch shitty TV and pretend like the world around me doesn’t exist…and I just didn’t know how to tell someone I’ve only been on one date with that I was checking out instead of getting to know them better.

Typically, women don’t like it when a potential prospect would rather pretend life doesn’t exist than hang out with them.

I mean…I don’t know much, but I know that much.

…

The lady I went on a date with last Sunday hit me up this morning at like 3:00 with a killer fucking meme that just makes me like her even more. I think she’s amazing…I have a feeling we would be terrible for eachother, but holy shit she’s so my type.

…

Lately I’ve taken this weird approach to dating to where I kind of just lay everything on the line in the first date…I’m just like, “Here’s the deal, I’m an alien who’s been on this planet for approximately 3,500 years and it’s my job to help humanity rise to the next level of consciousness, and I’ve seen god, and I have seen ‘angels’ and I have seen ‘demons’ and all of it is real…magick is real, it’s all real.”

I’m hoping that I can just weed out the shitty people and get to someone cool ASAP.

The truth of it all, I don’t want to be wasting my time with someone who doesn’t understand a simple thing like magick.

I guess I’d rather be alone than settle.

…these last few days, I’ve felt super alone…and I’ve had a lot of people come out of nowhere to show me how not alone I am. It’s been incredible.

I mean…I still feel alone, but at least now I know I’m not.

…

I think maybe I should just go to sleep. I mean, it’s only 6:21 PM…but I feel like I’ve been done with today since before it even started.

I think I’ll go for a bike ride and then come back and just go straight to bed…maybe watch this video on DMT that I’ve been meaning to watch.

I wish my DMT experience didn’t fuck me up so bad…I’d really like to go back and explore that space more…but I’m too scared.

…

I wish we could all hang out together and get drunk and have this crazy Open Diary party…oh shit..I mean, Prose Box…whatever…You know what I mean.

If you’re an Open Diary OG let me hear it.

…

Anyway…I miss my cat
I miss my grandpa
I miss my nephew
I miss all of my friends I’ve lost to drugs and murder

I’m glad you’re still here.
I promise you, I’ll stay here as long as you do.
Oh…that reminds me…I’ll show you that song that I wrote about a situation pretty close to this.
No, it’s not about you, haha…it’s about her…because everything is about her.
It’s all always been about her.
But I still love you so god damn much.
In some ways, I love you more than I love her.
But you already know that.
-Dane