Physical in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

I just got done with my physical.

I guess I have Restless Leg Syndrome…so that’s going to be annoying as fuck for the rest of my life.

Other than that, I’m super healthy…like, the doctor seemed surprised at how healthy I am, he said everything was better than where it needed to be in my blood work…I’m apparently six pounds overweight, though…but I know that…it’s all that beer. I drink a lot of beer.

I thought the whole process was going to be more involved than it was…I don’t know if I’m disappointed or what? Like…maybe I was secretly hoping he was going to finger my butthole?

It’s just really surprising to me.
I’ve done everything I can to destroy this vessel…and yet, it is so fucking resilient.

…
If you want to hear something cool, check out Xenia Rubinos.
…

I’m supposed to go around to a bunch of different pawn shops today to help Lex sell a bunch of her shit, but I texted her and she hasn’t texted me back…so I’m thinking about longboarding to the liquor store to get a beer and either working on this app I’m building, or watching some Trailer Park Boys and taking a nap…

…then a part of me is like, “You know, you can do all of those things, Dane…you can work on apps and take naps and longboard and drink beer…you can do anything you want…you’re just an alien living in a fleshy time machine and the infinite power of the universe dwells inside of your essence…there is literally no difference between yourself and God.”

Well, obviously, mind…thanks for that…I think I know what a fractal of infinity is…pretentious douche.

…

I’m so glad Golnar taught me about showering recently…it’s really changed the way I live my life. I’ve gone from showering once a week to showering like three times a week, and I think it’s making a huge difference in the way I feel.

She was like, “You know, Dane, your body is like 80% water (but I really know it’s like 60%, but I’m not going to correct anyone), and just hydrating your skin is essential to a healthy lifestyle.”

And I’m sitting here like…“A healthy lifestyle sounds like an interesting hobby, or at least a nice change of pace.”

I’d like to be healthy some day…not like, how I had a physical and the doctor said I was healthy, but like…I’d like to push this body into something greater than it has ever been…and sometimes I try to do that, and I get on these really good waves where I have a long stretch of exercise and clean eating and I don’t drink hardly at all and I’m sleeping well…but then I hit a depression, and when I hit that depression it all just goes out the window…and I sleep for like 12 hours at a time and I can’t be bothered to clean, and taking care of myself seems impossible.

Hahaha…life is so fucking weird, isn’t it?

…Golnar is up in the forest and I miss her so much.

…

Lately I’ve kind of been missing cigarettes.

…

Anyway, I was really just going to write about my physical and that was going to be it, so this whole thing has gone on a little longer than I meant it to. I need to go and live some life or something…or maybe go back to my dreams…I have such beautiful dreams lately.

Thanks again, just for everything.
Just knowing that you’re out there somewhere makes all the difference.
You know I can’t bear the loneliness.
We both know that, haha…we’ve seen how bad it gets, haha.
…yeah.
I’ll be home soon.
I promise.
I love you

-Dane