Moving Weekend with a lot of semi-sarcastic expressions in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Friday, I packed a bunch of boxes. Then took those boxes from my second story apartment to my car. Drove them an hour away. And put them into a different second story apartment. It was a very hot and sweaty ordeal and I was fairly sore the next day.

Saturday, my Wife and I took many heavy furniture pieces from the second story apartment to a Uhaul Van. Drove them an hour away. And put them into a different second story apartment. It was painfully hot with a heat index in the triple digits. Until we had unpacked everything and started the drive back to Des Moines. At which point, the sky opened up and the road in front of us had increasingly imminent flash flood warnings. I was very hot and sweaty prior to the rain and the large van required a great deal of strength against the heavy winds. I awoke very sore and tired this morning.

Sunday, I still had several boxes to pack and deliver to my car. However, my brother invited the family over to his house. Ironically, my new place is closer to my brother’s house so that somewhat made the decision to go a lot easier for me. I loaded the car with everything I’d packed and Wife and I journeyed to Ames. Mom was playing with Niece, Brother was cooking and SIL was cleaning. Just about as soon as we got in and sat down; Brother was insistently saying “Go play with your niece! Go play with your niece! Stop sitting around and go play with your niece!” Now… I appreciate that he is saying that because he knows Niece likes playing with me. BUT… you invited us up during a weekend where you knew I was moving. As soon as I sit down, you’re on me to become very physical in playtime with my 4 year old niece? Her grandmother, our mom, is playing with her just fine and Mom didn’t have to move this weekend. But after getting annoyed by the insistence, I went to play with Niece. While I was playing with Niece, though, I was eavesdropping on the conversation Bro and SIL were having with my wife. If “Go play with your niece” disregarding any of my possible reasons for not being enthusiastic about it didn’t tell you about how my family dynamic may have helped to create my boundary issues… this conversation may explain more. Despite having already had this conversation with me, Bro and SIL asked Wife why she wasn’t moving with me to Marshalltown. Wife, as I had stated earlier, said it was largely to do with her therapist and her job. No sooner had she finished her sentence then my brother decided to share his outdated view on therapy and mental health. In short (quoting him directly) “Mental Health therapists are never out to cure or assist. If you get better, they stop getting paid. So never forget that.” Riiiiiight. Because every therapist in the world is a greedy, corrupt, self-centered monster who cares only about continuing to see the same patients to rake in all of that cash. Sarcasm! Then SIL chimes in with constructive questions as to why Wife feels the need to see a therapist. Wife does an excellent job of laying out why she is going, the issues she is most concerned about, and the things in her thought processes that worry her. SIL tells her (not kidding) that what she is feeling is normal, everyone experiences it exactly the way Wife experiences it, and if she feels like she can’t handle it on her own (at this point SIL raises her voice and makes eye contact with me) then SOMEONE should be a good husband and help her with these things.

Awesome. Thanks siblings. Thanks for telling my wife that she doesn’t need to see a therapist, telling her that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her, and telling her that if she feels like there’s something wrong, it is because I’m not being a good enough husband. Awesome. Terrific. Exactly what we needed. How helpful! (gr!)

Then they start discussing Wife’s plans for when she moves with me to the Proper County and we get our house. Wife tells them her plan to go back to school and tells them I’ve been encouraging her to do the research to see if she really needs to go back. SIL asks her questions, draws out what Wife is really considering, and tells Wife that she doesn’t need to go back to school for that. (I suspected as much, but would like to hear it from someone with the proper knowledge and authority). This… does NOT help Wife. Because when she talks to me about it… her world is falling down. If she doesn’t go back to school, what will she do in Garrett County? If she can’t find a job nearby, she certainly doesn’t want to be a stay at home wife. The county is too small for her needs. SHE DOESN’T WANT TO GO BACK TO A SMALL COUNTY! dramatic sigh.

Perfect. TOTALLY how I wanted to start this new experience. I move. I’m trying to approach this new job with a hopeful heart and a curious mind. I would like to really make this job and this opportunity work. But the day before the big Start Date? My family tells Wife that she’s fine and if she isn’t it is my fault… and then Wife is already rebelling at the idea of living in a “small county” again.

A friend of mine put this on their Facebook and I think I’m going to have to keep it in mind and keep it in my heart for the next several weeks! Especially as it now seems all but confirmed that my family doesn’t believe I should be worthy of these things: