An Open Letter in Random Public Stuffs

Dear You,

The world will keep turning, no matter what. It doesn’t matter if I am here or there, and it definitely doesn’t matter if you are in my life as well.

You got mad when I flung your past in your face with venom. Before you could try to justify your shitty behavior, I cut you off and unleashed some anger. The look in your eyes…I wanted to sink my proverbial teeth into your throat and shake you vigorously.

I told you what I told quite a few people: the Universe doesn’t revolve around you. My life doesn’t revolve around your wants.

I wanted to smack you and scream at you that you didn’t bother to be there for me, that I was done with your bullshit.

Then you tried to play dirty: ”People need you.”

Well, right now, I have to take care of myself. I will admit to some bitterness, that I was upset that those I had helped out didn’t band together to help me out now that I am in a time of need. Then, I remember that my helping them was BECAUSE I wanted to help them. I am not sure where the notion of “You owe me” came in.

People will just have to deal with the fact that I just can’t help anymore. I barely have enough energy to take care of my home, and I am working on taking care of myself. I am only starting to deal with the emotions from losing my Dad and being thrust into the position of responsibility. Well, being the eldest child, I was already there anyway.

I am tired. I am beaten down. My heart has been tossed in a blender and shredded, but I am slowly piecing it back together.

I don’t even go to charity events anymore, let alone organize them. What makes you think I am going to go out with you to listen to you complain about mundane, routine bullshit in your life that you refuse to remedy?

That doesn’t mean I don’t like or love you.

I have to focus on ME now. I will not apologize, nor will I feel bad.

Get over it.