Politics and Surveys in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

So… I wrote about politics in my Prosebox. I appreciate most/many/just about all the notes I received. You folks know that I am a thoughtful person that rarely comes to opinions or decisions without facts and reasons and many of you asked intelligent, clarifying questions. Whether I changed any minds, it is important to discuss the events and policies currently shaping our world.

It is likely more a product of the difference in forums (though I’d like to believe it is a difference in the quality of the individuals) but I also shared some political items on Facebook today and received a much different reaction. Not from everyone. In fact, most of my friends and colleagues behaved better than expected. But it takes one bad apple to spoil the bunch. I shared the following item from Ana Violeta Navarro Flores who is a Nicaraguan-born American Republican strategist and political commentator for various news outlets.

That is what I shared. First comment I received was from someone in my DnD group… we’ll call him “Arena.”

Arena: The whiny left is becoming openly toxic.

Hrm. The image I shared came from a Republican and (tragically) accurately lists the White House’s actions of the last week.

I responded: Or Donald Trump has attacked our allies, supported our enemies, engaged in potential human rights violations, and repeatedly stated that he wishes the US was more like China, Russia, and North Korea. But y’know… one says To-ma-to, one says Treason.

This devolved into a 22 response Facebook Comment Chain that involved Arena (an IT consultant for a business consultant operation) continuing to parrot Fox News statements… against 1 Mental Health Specialist for the V.A., 2 practicing Attorneys, and a Teacher. And, hopefully I’m not mischaracterizing… but it was almost painful to watch. Arena would say, “But North Korea was a success.” And the lawyers would respond with “How do you define success? What was he hoping to gain through this? Should this justify his past actions? Etc.” If Arena hadn’t continued to be so “But TRUMP, stop being MEAN” I actually would have intervened to call for peace. But… again… seriously… if you hate the Democrats because of how shitty Obama was… you are not allowed to pull the “Guys, he’s the President. He deserves your respect!” That just… I get it. Everyone fights for the side they believe in without giving consideration to how hypocrisy always looks shitty and undermines the argument. I’m not perfect about that. BUT I actively try. And you can’t spend years saying “Talking to North Korea is treason” only to say “Praise The Donald for talking to North Korea.” You can’t spend years saying “Obama bows to dictators!” and say “Why is anyone making a big deal out of the salute in North Korea?” To have a moral compass that matters… to have a sense of morality that counts for something… it can’t be so convenient.

The way I’d phrase it is thus: If Clinton lying under oath upset you, than Bush lying under oath should upset you (if he ever did), Obama lying under oath should upset you (if he ever did), and Trump lying under oath should upset you (if he ever did). A moral code that you abandon whenever it is politically convenient is no moral code at all.

Now onto some things that should be a little less serious!

I have recently taken several “Personality Quizzes” of varying degrees of seriousness, professional quality, and scientific pedigree and I wanted to share some of the more interesting results.

One test was an analysis of my personality as it relates to things I enjoy, things I don’t enjoy, and my reactions to certain scenarios. After I hit submit my result:

“Everyone falls in one or several categories of ‘sexual personality.’ Ultimately, researchers debate the existence of up to 9 different ‘sexual personalities’ but this test was used based on the presently established 6 types. Your answers have placed you firmly in three categories that are related in unique ways. They are listed in order of most likely/most often expressed to less likely expressed.
(1) Playful Sexual. You are a lover that enjoys love making but appreciates that the exercise needn’t be constantly flowers and champagne. Not everyone would be as comfortable smiling or laughing in bed as you, but if someone can appreciate a lover that wants them to be happy sexually, mentally, and emotionally… then you’re a great catch!
(2) Passionate Sexual. You are a lover that enjoys love making best when it consumes an entire evening. You aren’t opposed to spending an hour or two wooing your lover to make sure they are in just the right sexual mood before taking them and ravishing them for a whirlwind (sometimes exhausting?) night of passion.
(3) Open Sexual. You are a lover that enjoys the vast array of what sex can be. You are open to exploring your partner’s (or partners’) interests even when they aren’t your particular number one. While your partner may not be as open as you are, make certain to explore your interests. They may be far more vast than what you are currently experiencing!

This next one… is fricking spot on about me. It pegged exactly what I am like in a relationship, what I’m looking for in a relationship, what I want in a partner. And… of course that made me depressed. Because these are the things I want. And for most of this list? I just… don’t feel like I’m currently getting.

RELATIONSHIP NEEDS ASSESSMENT

Interdependence
Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner. You are highly interdependent in relationships. This means that you desire – and perhaps even demand – a substantial degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner and other loved ones. Those connections and interactions can be frequent and superficial or they can be deep and meaningful. And you are probably attracted quickly to someone who you can deeply respect and even emulate to a degree. In fact, it is typical for a person in this score range to consider how a particular romantic partner might reflect on his/her own family and friends. All of this does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw considerable strength, comfort and sense of identity from close relationships. You like to know about virtually all aspects of your partner’s life. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner’s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and desire showing off your “couplehood” in public. Bottom line: you need someone who responds to the fact that you enjoy the reassurance of physical contact and emotional sharing, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals and whose character is deserving of your loyalty and affection.

Intimacy
Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner. You are clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person, and you tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you probably regard a partner as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you may find yourself wondering whether your partner’s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Still, people in this scoring range are willing to take the risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels. Bottom line: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.

Self-efficacy
Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation. People at your scoring level feel assertive and expressive most of the time and strive to maintain a positive attitude. You likely find that having plans and structured goals help motivates and guides your personal and professional development. Many people in this scoring range are visionary in their ambitions, but they can be highly self critical. Indeed, you are likely to be acutely aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, it probably helps for you to hear praise and recognition, as well as have measurable goals and benchmarks in order to feel competent in your decisions and actions and to achieve a strong sense of accomplishment. Bottom line: you need someone who is extremely supportive of your goals by showing patience and a positive outlook and who also frequently acknowledges and praises your small and large accomplishments.

Relationship readiness
Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. In some ways, you may not be fully ready for a committed relationship. You seem to feel a fair degree of comfort and grounding in your life right now. In fact, most people in this range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They also feel in control, but sometimes that sense of control can be fleeting or a false sense of security. For example, it is often the case that people in this scoring range need to address unresolved issues that can interfere with them having the life and relationship they want. These could be financial or legal issues or even physical, emotional or health issues. It may also be the case that you are seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Bottom line: you need someone who will be patient and supportive as you figure out your needs rather than who will rush the relationship prematurely.

Communication
Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.

Conflict resolution
Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills. Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are fairly strong on all of these basic elements, except for Making Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome for the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who will join you in taking time to find a complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements.

Sexuality
Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy. Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are hardly a prude. You tend to be very confident in your sexual ability, you are not self conscious in bed and you are open to try various activities. People in this scoring range are willing to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish. While you appreciate spontaneity and wild abandon in sex, you also seem to like for sex to be planned to some extent. Most times this probably reflects the fact that you like to set the mood, build anticipation and ensure you have privacy and no interruptions. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.

Attitudes toward love
Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love. There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as “a “hopeless romantic on the inside and a realist on the outside.” This means that you value very highly both the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love and the excitement and passion of Romantic Love. You desire someone who is on the same wavelength as you –sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. You are a clearly a hybrid, and someone who probably views love as a transcendent thing. That is, you regard true love as a precious and rare state that must be nurtured to grow and thrive. Most people in this scoring range believe that a passionate sex life is not the most important factor in a stable and satisfying relationship. Rather, a relationship must be nurtured with acceptance and complete connectedness with a partner – a couple building and possessively protecting their “own world.” Bottom line: You need someone whose highest priority is your relationship and is willing to do the hard work to keep a transcendent level of love alive in the relationship.

Preferred Expressions of Affection
Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion. There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to Gifts. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection through tangible surprises – such as fun gifts s/he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or beautiful tokens or presents that show s/he remembers and celebrates special occasions.

Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Verbal Communication received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not mean that you neither like nor need Verbal Communication. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who can show affection in ways other than just verbal expressions such as spontaneous compliments, frequent “I love you’s,” occasional notes for you to find and recognition of your achievements.

I was going to share more but… I’m tired. So there you have it. I will end on a bombshell, though. Maybe a dick move because Wife’s birthday is tomorrow buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut

during dinner today I asked her about a recent conversation she had with a mutual friend. She said that she’s “acknowledged that I’ve been patient” but “knows there’s a good reason why” I’ve stuck around. I was FAR too curious to leave it at that. I asked her what she thinks the reason I’ve stuck around was.
(1) Because you see greatness in me that I don’t see myself? No.
(2) Because you believe that I bring something to your life no one else could? No.
(3) Because you are with me until you find someone you like better? No.
(4) Because we’re married? Yes. Then we discussed how the only divorce that has EVER happened on my Father’s side of the family was when our strong and powerful Matriarch told the man who physically abused her and her children to piss off.

So… I don’t know how you would characterize that. Me? I suppose I characterize that as me confessing to my wife that our relationship feels dead and hollow but I’ve stayed because I know it is what is expected of me, because I made sacred and legal vows, and because “marriage” means more to me than simply “A relationship.”